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Review:Hippothestrowl says:
This fic has a really good story plot and lots of interesting ideas. PLOT: 80%

Grammar, syntax, sentence construction very good but flawed by near total failure of past perfect tense which confuses many of the passages. GRAMMAR: 80%

Writing style and storytelling is mostly (not always) poor. There is a lot of author-speak where the author is explaining things rather than storytelling. Some of those parts read like a draft story design rather than immersive fiction. Show not tell is poor for that reason. STYLE: 50%

Pace is very good although variable. PACE: 80%

Overall Readability is fairly good because the decent story plot interest rides over the weak storytelling. This is much better than having it the other way round with great storytelling but a rubbish story that's not worth telling! The fact that I read it through and was often eager to get to the next chapter proves that. The only chapter I skip-browsed is this one - the epilogue; Not a bad idea to round the story off but it should have either been drastically pruned or greatly enriched. So the main story is a page-turner. READABILITY: 75%

Summary: it's well worth reading and easily amongst the better fanfics available but if past perfect tense and storytelling were fixed it could have been really great. SUMMARY: 75%

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. You and I have very different opinions as to use of the past perfect tense, but I do not feel like arguing about it. Most people overuse it or use it improperly, in my opinion, and my avoidance of it is quite intentional. Suffice it to say I disagree with that part of your review, but the rest of it is fair. I especially agree with the epilogue, as I rushed that tremendously in order to finish the story before Deathly Hallows was released (as I had promised my readers). In fact, the whole last third of the story was rushed for that reason.

I appreciate you taking the time to let me know your thoughts. G.


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