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Review:ScarletEye158 says:
Hey there! This is a really good start you have! :)

I really like how well developed your characters are! It's usually really hard for me to read a story with so many OCs but I thought you gave them pretty strong personalities where I wasn't too overwhelmed! They all do seem a little too perfect though, so maybe giving them some faults or quirks would help? I can see some already in Abigail because she's the main character (and I particularly love the battle between the parents part) but the other three seem a little too good to be true.

Another part about this story that I really liked was how well it flowed! I'm not very good with flow in my writing but the way you transitioned between sentences, paragraphs and even new scenes was flawless! Nice job! :)

Your descriptions were beautiful, also. I loved how well you described the girls' looks. I could see them perfectly in my head and I liked that even though they all act the same you gave them all entirely different looks. I know some girls in my school dress exactly the same and change their hair and looks to match their friends and it's really annoying! lol

Ohhh, I can't wait to see what happens with Abigail and her boyfriend! Are they actually going to sleep together? I can tell she feels like she /needs/ to, but I don't really feel like she wants to! I hope she does the right thing!

This was a really good first chapter and I think it definitely is able to go somewhere! I hope you continue to write it because you're a very good writer :)


Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'll make sure to get on yours as soon as possible! :)

I'm glad you think I started it off well, because I do agree that sometimes it is hard to read a story composed entirely of OCs, simply because you don't know very much about them. As for their individual quirks/faults, those will definitely show up later. :)

Oh yay, it flowed well! I was a little concerned about jumping from scene to scene, but I'm glad to see it came out okay.

That will all be explained in the next chapters or so! I'm just going to leave it at that, because if I keep typing, I'll end up giving away the plot...

Thanks for the review - I'm glad you liked the story!


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