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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from Review Tag!

Wow! This was an absolutely chilling piece. I'm not in the habit of feeling badly for old Lucius. Everything that ever happened to him, be brought upon himself. But it's hard not to get pulled into the despair and terror that you infused this story with. I wouldn't trade places with him for anything.

I thought it was a little amusing, in a twisted sort of way, that he dreads the visit of a Dementor. It seems pretty obvious that their proximity is already affecting him. The depression, the lethargy, the nightmares... all of them sound like effects of having lots of Dementors close by.

His refusal to cry as a symbolic act of defiance, the thing that he chooses to focus on so as to show that he has not been broken, was a good choice. He seems to be fairly broken in most other respects, but until the Dementor approaches him at the end, he refuses to cross that one, final line. I thought this line was an especially clever emphasis on the point:

Wiping an unshed tear from his eye with the back of his dirty hand... - Denial. It isn't just a river in Egypt.

The happy memories that he tries to cling to as a defense mechanism made perfect sense. But the nightmares quickly punish him for his small conceit. The dream sequence was pure horror. You did an awesome job with that. I loved how the nightmare mixed elements of the memory with his current reality. It was all so twisted and surreal!

And then the Dementor comes to visit him for real, and he finally breaks. I felt sad without necessarily feeling sad for Lucius in particular. Maybe just a little. ;)

I saw a couple of typos that you might want to take a second look at:

He didnít think he could take more of those terrible dreams he dreamed, but he could not lay wake forever either. - lay awake?

Luciusís eyes open wide as he struggled for air, a burning sensation searing his lungs. - opened wide

A massive figure, cloaked and dark dark was standing in the frame of the entrance, silhouetted ominously against the bars. - you doubled the word "dark"

Otherwise, I thought your writing was lovely. The words you chose and the flow of the story complimented the dark imagery beautifully. Very nice job!

Author's Response: You can't imagine the puddle I melted when I saw your review! Thanks so much for it! I'm only sorry it took me so long to respond to this :(

I wouldn't trade places with him either! For a long time I haven't been his fan either, but I have this memory from the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 when he's sitting at the table and Voldemort asks for his wand. He gives it to him and Voldemorts snaps it in two. The way he jumped there, at just that sound, made me wonder what could have possibly happened to the once proud man we've seen in the earlier books/films. Basically this was the premise for my one shot :)

When I was thinking about his characterization, crying was the first thought I had to portray that exact same of defiance you talked about. Crying would have been the maximum proof that he was indeed broken and he could not allow that. To maintain his sanity he HAD to believe that he was still in power somehow, that he still held control over something. Glad you caught that up ;)

I'm SO happy you liked the dream sequence. I was unsure if I made the transition from dream to reality believable enough or in a flowing, natural way. I really was nervous about that part!

Thank you for pointing out the typos. Be sure that I will re-read the story once again and correct them! And thanks a million for the review. I loved it!


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