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Review:MargaretLane says:
Hmm, rather an intriguing summary.

Not really sure what you mean by "I became in limbo" here. Something like "I came into limbo, suspended between waking and sleep" or something might make it clearer.

I like the setting of the scene here though. It's ordinary and yet you manage to hint at something about to happen enough to keep me intrigued.

And boy did something happen! Not sure what's going on exactly, but I'm guessing that's the point, that you intend to keep us in suspense.

You have Lily saying "I flew past my window" when I assume you mean "IT flew past my window."

Hmm, Ginny seems to know what's going on or at least have enough suspicions to worry her. I mean, what Lily saw is scary, but Ginny's reaction indicates to me that she knows more than we do. Interesting.

You've also written "I felt good to get it all out into the open" where again I'm assume it should be "it".

Hmm, this is quite mysterious. Wonder where it's going.

And I like the fact that it's about Lily, rather than Albus. Most mysteries seem to be from his point of view, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's nice to have a change.

Author's Response: Thanks! This is my first fanfiction ever, its great to get some feedback! I have a blog where I talk more about fanfiction and recommend some interesting ones I've read. Lily is my fav character out of the Potter kids and I don't know why but I just don't enjoy stories about Albus as much... Thanks for pointing out the grammar issues as well!


Ps. I have a blog just do crazynerdly . blogspot . com

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