Woah, intense! Ha, so I'm the worst review-threader ever. I forgot I had people waiting for me to review their stories :P
Anywho, I love this story. In fact, I'm adding it to my favourites. Seriously, this is one grown-up work. Nobody ever thinks about how life would be like if you didn't actually like what you were doing as a career. Plus, you depicted the war and aftermath in a short and precise manner. Just brilliant!
Is this the work that you're putting in present tense? Geez, I just adore present tense. It's like you're there, with the narrator as he/she goes about what they will. In fact, I'm glad your story is in present tense, because my common "suggestion" for most of the stories I read is to put it in present tense. It's just more exciting to read that way.
So, good job (I feel silly saying this, because you're a million times more talented a writer than me)!
As for your main character, she's believable in every way. I'm relieved because the last story I reviewed, the main was very much a Mary Sue. It was like she was a robot or something. Not the most thrilling person to read about.
Right, so I think my favourite part about her past is the fact that she was friends with Cedric. Silly for me to say, but it made me smile, because that is so unique. This story is just brimming with potential and uniqueness, I'm so excited to read the next chapter!
Okay, I promise I can properly articulate my thoughts. I'll do a better job on the next chapter :D Awesome start, and the tone of the piece is a bit darker, but I don't think it's too overwhelming. Bravo!
Author's Response: Heh, don't worry...this was my first review request, so I had no idea how long I should expect to wait for the review!
I actually really appreciate you calling this piece 'grown up'. I am trying to be more mature with this piece, but it's apparently quite hard to write a mature story when you're not a very mature person! But yes, I agree...the not loving your job thing is such a common problem and yet so many people in fanfics are in their dream job, so hopefully it adds some fresh complications to the mix.
Present tense is interesting to write...sometimes if I'm not focussed when I'm writing, I'll suddenly realised I've written four paragraphs in past tense and I'll have to go back and fix them. I think it works for this particular story though, I wanted the reader to be right there in Emily's brain with her.
Thank goodness you don't think Emily's a Mary-Sue. well I figured she wasn't because she's pretty messed up and all, but it's good to get objective affirmation :)
The Cedric thing is something I am really excited about, because I could practically write a whole novel on their friendship from all the backstory I've created for them. I also thought it might be a good opportunity to try and write the girl/guy friendship in a more realistic way than I've seen in a lot of fics. And one where they're not actually secretly in love with each other (like my next gen gems! :P).
"you're a million times more talented a writer than me" You, sir, flatter me with your lies! :P But thank you for the compliment :) And thanks for the review, I was so excited to hear your thoughts on this!