Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:HuffleyPuff says:
Hullo, HuffleyPuff here and I am going to give a nice long review about this story so far. I'm going to break things down into different things, what I like, hate, love, how I thought the plot rolls, the characterization, that kinds of thing.

To start off I would like to say that this is a really nice story you have going on and I cannot wait to see what happens next so you must update it as soon as possible! Moving on from that I do like your writing style, it is quite similar to my own and because of this I quickly divulged into the story and could read it happily knowing that I wouldn't get lost along the way or confused about what was going on. This shone throughout the story and for the three chapters posted I can happily say that I did not get lost or confused about what was happening, who was speaking or anything like that. This is one of your strongest points in your writing as well, the fact that you can use great words to grab the reader and interest them enough so they can continue reading. This is a trait good writers need to have to grasp their audiences and it is something you don't need to worry about.

I thought that your characterization of everyone was really good. The way that James and Sirius lept on the idea of helping Remus and argued with him that they were going to help. Peter was in character the whole way through, being a bit of an outsider of the group and only speaking when spoken too. And the boy's relationship with the girls is also up to scratch. I didn't see any romance stuff going on right from the off as most stories tend to do from the beginning from defining the relationships and including kisses in the very early chapters. You can see that Sirius and Marlene are close, but you do have to look hard to see if it's just friendship or a romance blooming between them. But the way that you explained that James was in love with Lily by mentioning that Sirius told his mother about her and how he wanted to go to Muggle Studies because she would be there was cute in a way and a really nice way of doing things.

I did notice a few spelling mistakes, letters missed off the end of words and that kind of thing, but it was nothing major and something you can pick out if you read back through it carefully, perhaps you should think about getting a beta reader for the story as then they can check it over and pick out all the spelling and grammar mistakes before you post so you don't have too! Everyone makes mistakes eventually and so it's not something to be worried about.

The plot also has a very nice flow to it, you are not throwing the reader in at the deep end or anything like it, you are pulling them in slowly and adding things so they realize the scale of what's going on. I certainly wasn't expecting the death eater attack on the train as they headed to school!

So far I think you are doing a really great job of this story and I fee it deserves more reviews and favorites from other people. Good luck and happy writing!

HuffleyPuff xx

Author's Response: Whoa that was fast! Thanks so much for the response :D And you've read all three chapters? I didn't expect you to do that much! :)

You've made me so happy! i'm glad that you like my style (I've never received comments like that) I usually find it so hard to write and I have to be incredibly inspired to do so. *hugs* your amazing.

I always imagined that Remus wouldn't really want them to go through with the idea of animagus, just like their trying to protect him, he would also want to protect them from getting caught. I've always loved their relationship. Bromance!! lol. I'm a bit unsure of Peter's character, I completly hate him and find him so hard to write because I don't understand why he actually became a marauder, so i'm just trying to make him be a quite person so I don't have to write about him much :P

The relationship between Sirius and Marlene is really confusing, i've pretty much planned the whole story and written a few chapters that are to come up nearer the end and its sort of a love/friendship relationship. I'm really just letting the readers decide what it is for themselves :D Throughout the story their relationship develops.

I'll go back over the chapter soon and get rid of all those mistakes, i'm terrible at spotting them out. I might get a beta reader for this story... seems like a good idea now you mention it actually :D

I'm so glad I havn't received any responses saying that the deatheater attack was a bit too 'random' if you know what I mean? :D and i'm glad you didn't find it that way.

Thank-you again *bows down* i'll probably come back to you again for reviews because your reviews are amazing *once again bows down*


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 743
Submit Report: