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Review:HuffleyPuff says:
Fourth review for you!

Hmmm the one thing I didn't really like about this chapter was the way that you wrote it. You have a collection of less than on line sentences about meaningless and silly things like her talking about a letter and then suddenly you a thrown a massive chunk of writing which can be really off putting when you are writing and to the reader it makes the story look less inviting and harder to read and so people may be put off from trying and instead not bother and move onto another story instead. You could do with cutting down on the short sentences and perhaps mix a few of them together to make a longer paragraph which will be kinder to the eyes. It will probably be the best thing you can do in this situation and I may make more people read on in this story.

Other than that little thing i think this was another well thought out and produced chapter, but still it has been less than a full day on now 4 chapters has passed. You either need to make longer chapters where more happens or combine some to make longer chapters without changing anything, but with the way it is it seems that everything is running much too slowly and this fact can also put people off reading more. When you sort this out I think this could be a great story when it's finished!

HuffleyPuff x

Author's Response: thankyou for quoting in the previous review
and yes i get it now
willtake you up on that

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