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Review:HuffleyPuff says:
Hello there, HuffleyPuff for your requested review. What I am going to do is to read each chapter and reviews them all separately for you, breaking down what I thought was good and what I thought was bad.

Starting off, I think that this was a very strong start to the story and I enjoyed it very much. However I did not like all the italics of throughout shoved into the paragraphs. Somehow when reading the story through it didn't look like they belonged there at all. Perhaps if you put them in quotation marks or speech marks it may seem to make the story flow a little better and be a bit easier to read to distinguish when the speaking and when the thoughts are coming. You could also bring them in slowly instead of just starting off a paragraph with them. But this is just my own view and you can ignore me if you want.

And at the end I did feel you used a bit too much vulgar language which put me off a little if it was going to continue that way. I do hope it's not, but when you put too much vulgar language too close to each other it does make the story seem to flow a little less nicely. There are surely other words you could have used instead which would work just as well.

Throughout I thought this was a strong start and a very good chapter for your fist fan fiction. Well done!

HuffleyPuff xx

Author's Response: hey there
thankyou soo much ;)
Em


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