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Review:academica says:
Hi Val! Back with another swappity-swap review :)

I kind of love Summer in this chapter. It was so funny how she matter-of-factly answered the Ravenclaw riddle and strode right into the common room. In that first section, I also liked how you went back to the Bill-Fleur divorce. Is that going to be a major theme in the story? It's interesting to see how Dominique and Louis are dealing with the divorce in different ways, though I do feel bad for Dominique taking her mother dating so hard. (And it's so funny to see someone else's depiction of Dominique after having written my own.)

It seemed a little odd for the girls to refer to Harry, Ginny, and Fleur by their first names. I would have at least expected to see last names tacked on. Maybe consider taking a second look at that?

Points for actually including a lesson in your chapter. It was funny to imagine a class full of students trying to turn turtles into pillows, and I like how the girls were gossiping about their professor's little history with Percy. Seems realistic.

I think it's cute that the girls are being a little risky in trying to band together to buy the purse for their mother. She's lucky to have such thoughtful daughters, though they must have been a handful growing up, especially with her being a single mom!

The only other part I would consider looking at here is the beginning, with Autumn recalling her Sorting. I think the transition there to the common room was a little abrupt. For a moment, I thought Summer had basically ignored her cheering new housemates and plopped down at the Ravenclaw table to demand the return of her shoes. I think you could put a brief remark in there about Autumn clearing her head and focusing on Summer, just to differentiate the scenes more.

Nice work again this chapter, and I'm looking forward to continuing--and seeing what happened to poor Fern!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda!

The point of Summer strolling in so easily was there for me to show that she and Autumn are not just similar physically, but also in their values and way of thinking. The fact that Autumn is reasonable when Summer is hot-headed, and that they're in different houses, don't make such a fundamental difference.

Bill and Fleur's divorce isn't going to be a big theme, but it helps explain some of Dom's relation with Louis. I also included it because all Weasley couples always seem to be blissfully married, and I wanted to show it wasn't necessarily the case. Dom, I think, is still very much a child, even though she swears a lot and tries to act tougher than she is -- deep down, she only wants her parents to be together and to be able to see her mum without feeling like she's betraying her dad.

And yes, I know that feeling!

The use of first names, well. This actually came from experience -- my mum always used to grumble when 'Aunt' was tacked in front of her name (apparently it made her sound old), and I imagined the Weasley women to have similar reactions. Thus, there goes the Aunt and Uncle business, and that's why I had the girls refer to their family only with first names. Does this even make sense?

I'm so happy you mentioned the classes! To be honest, I went searching through the stereotypes-you-hate topic on the forums, and a recurring one was 'There are no classes in Next Gen, all they seem to do is party', so I'm attempting to stay away from that.

The first scene of the previous chapter proves that not only they were a handful before, but still are sometimes. I really want to keep Ellen as a big part of this story, because there are so many stories where parents are presented as horrible people. Again, I just want them to have a relatively normal family (minus the fact that their father left, obviously), so their mother and uncles will keep appearing in and out...

I went back to reread the chapter after you commented on that introduction scene, and yes, it could definitely do with some fleshing out! I'll see how I can edit.

Thank you for yet another lovely review, I'll be around for chapter two of Post Scriptum sometime during the week :)


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