|Review:||nott theodore says:|
Oh dear, poor James! I like your inspiration for his mad ravings, and I thought that you wrote it really well. He seemed completely crazy and was just spouting nonsense all the way through, so it's no wonder that everyone didn't really know what to do. His 'yes means no and no means yes' rant was kind of confusing, because surely by that logic, Ellie would already be going out with him? Ah well, he was rather manic at the time!
To be honest, it isn't surprising that Albus hates seeing his siblings lose control, because when they do, they really lose control - Lily breaking down into tears and James raving like Hamlet! Either Albus is the most normal and calm of the three, or he just hasn't been placed in a situation that's caused him to lose control like that yet.
I thought you worked the Remus/Tonks story in really well. Although I'd realised that Ellie's feelings about herself, and not deserving James, were similar to Remus', I'd never thought that their story could give James hope again. I'm not really sure if he knows about Ellie's 'time of the month' yet, but I think he might start realising after the conversation with Leo. I also like the fact that James told the story to Leo, because it was nice to hear it from the perspective of someone who hasn't known about it all the way through, like we have.
And I'm kind of hoping that Leo isn't just going to realise what the implications of the story are for Ellie, but for himself as well!
I am starting to really like Lily. I was wondering when she was going to tell Ellie that she knew about her being a werewolf! Since you've said we're nearing the end of the story, I'm thinking that things are going to move along from here, and I'm really interested to see how you develop it.
For the record, since you said you find it difficult writing Ellie, she doesn't seem like too much of a Mary-Sue (although to be fair, I only found out what this meant a few days ago. People kept mentioning it on the forums and I had to search what it meant, because I've never heard anyone use it before! :P) and she does seem believable.
Just a few mistakes I noticed: 'per say' should be per se, and at one point, James has 'tears rolling down his eyes'. I think that should be face? (Although maybe James has a special way of crying, and tears do roll down his eyes :D)
I hope you update soon again!
nott theodore :)
Author's Response: Ah, yes. Hamlet is my favourite play! Well, second favourite to "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead". Hamlet and I would be best friends, if he were real. In fact, Horatio would have nothing over me!
Right...so I need to stop going off on tangents when I respond to reviews...
Ha, they really do go out of control, eh? I guess I just wanted to put a dramatic factor in. *stares at the wall, questioning life*
Oh geez, I haven't really worked out how James will figure out about Ellie's 'time of the month' (I think that line is the reason why I chose to have a girl as a werewolf. Seriously, it's funny, right? Maybe not.). I have a few things I might want to do, but I'm really stressing over it. Actually, if you don't mind me running some ideas by you, we should PM about it over the forums. I could use some help.
Lily is awesome, eh? I've always had a hard time depicting proper antagonists in stories. I always believe there is good in everyone (and the award for most cliched sentence goes to soapman!)
Oh good! I'm never sure what to write, in regards to Ellie, so I just throw up on the page and hope people take it well :P
Oh man...changing those now! Thanks Nott :D
It'll happen...that updating thing will happen.
Can I call you Notty?! I might be having "one of those days" right now...