"his green robes flapping around him like he was a kind of cross-breed between a bat and a piece of broccoli." This made my day, sweetie! Really! Priceless!
This story of your is addicting! Really! I can't bare to think I have only one chapter left to read and then I have to wait for an update!
Let's take it from the top! Scene one, girls getting ready! I love the banter they have going on and the way in which they relate to one another. I love seeing girls described like this, as opposed to gossip queens who do nothing but get each other in trouble.
Next, the date. I have never read a more original first date scene! Having them playing around in the shop, changing their appearance and just being goofy was so fun to read! The comment about Fred and the elephant had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt!
It's clear by this point that Louis likes her, though I think he needs to belly dance in front of her with a sign saying "I like you" for her to notice. C'mon! The rose, the taking her away to somewhere quiet! I feel like shaking the girl and spelling it out for her! The dude is part Veela! If you don't want him, I'll have him!
Speaking of Roses, as much as I love Rose/Scorpius, I'm glad the Fern is his girlfriend in this story. I want to see more of Scorpius! And I was right... Secret boyfriend?
The party scene seems like so much fun, a bunch of socially awkward people having fun and being awkward. Not that our girls are like that. Not at all.
The ending made me really curious. What could be happening with the spells? Maybe somebody's tampering with the magic of Hogwarts? I can't wait to find out, so I'm off!
Oh and I did spot something, just a tiny little thing:
"The fact that it's better to be in love when you out with someone, for instance."" - I think you're missing a "go" in this sentence.
Other than that, great work!
Author's Response: I had so much fun writing that line, glad you enjoyed it!
You've picked up on exactly what I wanted to get across -- yes, these girls genuinely love each other. Drama queens can go somewhere else to see if I'm there, but they're staying out of this.
The date, sigh... When I wrote it, I asked myself: where in Hogsmeade have characters not been? And this came up, though originally I had them in a cafe, but then I was like NAWW LOUIS WOULD TAKE HER SOMEWHERE SPECIAL. Tada!
The mental image of Louis bellydancing made my day, and now I'm desperately thinking of a way to include it. Hmm. NO YOU MAY NOT (I'm sorry) -- he's all for Autumn!
You were right about Fern, sort of, but there's more to that! I love to hear you're shipping Ferpius though.
Seriously, Autumn is entirely based off me in the party scene. Parties? That thing with music? And dancing? AND PEOPLE?!
Aha, the spells are confusing, aren't they? It's a big part of the plot, so keep throwing theories at me!
And yes that is a typo, pesky little thing, that I shall edit asap.
Thank you so much again! :)