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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi darling! I'm just derping around the forums and wanted to find something to read!

This is very, very powerful. I think that bullying is something that's not addressed enough, and even when it is made more mainstream it still isn't stopped. This shows something that everyone doesn't want to accept; what people do can make or breath another person. Without getting too much into my own opinion, the way people treat others, especially if it's a gang of people, can have a lot to do with why schools have maniacs coming in to hurt people and why people much too young to ever think about their life ending, are trying to do just that.

You've put so many incredibly tough and serious issues out there with this piece and handled them beautifully. You didn't downplay her suffering, just as much as you didn't intensify the cruelty of the girls. They were being very mean, obviously, but I've seen girls do just as mean things. It was more of the fact that they were just so careless and thoughtless with their words. I think you balanced teenage type of cruelty with the impact it can have on others so well... I know I'm probably going rambly.

I loved James's part in this. I think that casting him as the one who does see and helps is such a lovely contrast to his usually carefree portrayal. And again, alternating between the two was just awesome.

If you don't mind me pointing out a few things... if you do, just ignore this next part :P.

So, what you're building up here is really amazing. Arianna's sense of being worthless really enhances her desperation, just as well as James's need to help her. At the end when she confesses her feelings to him, at much as I loved it, I think that it kind of brought her character to an unrealistic level.

What I would suggest is what about something along the lines of her accepting his words, but being unable to express her own? She's been crushed and broken so many times in her life, saying that and giving that kind of affection is a lot. Maybe just leave it with the idea of James wanting to give her a reason to live, and her wanting to try and fight for her own life? Just a small suggestion, I hope you don't mind!

This was a beautiful story ♥

Author's Response: Aww, I'm just sitting here smiling like an idiot now! This is just so sweet!

I'm glad that you thought I did the portrayal justice, as that was something I struggled to bring to life in this story.

I like James too, for the same reason you do. I like when the next-gen characters aren't suddenly footloose and fancy-free. (I can't believe I just used that expression... oh dear.)

I love constructive criticism - it's a major part of what reviews are for, after all! I agree with you completely about her character changing too quickly. I noticed that too, but didn't really know how to deal with it. Your suggestions are just perfect, and I will probably go in some day soon and fix that ending. It was just a little too idealistic-fairy-tale for everything that just happened.

Thanks so much for the review!

-ShadowRose


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