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Review:nitra_black says:

I love the way you've worked the new conversation between al and lucy.. interestingly this edit has made their relationship more "family" like, you know the whole "we not friends but we're family so i HAVE to help you out" and you can really get that sense from the way you've described how Lucy looks at Albus.

OH MY GOD i have fallen in love with Danny (even though he's not real). There's a sentence you write really really well: ("Tears rolled down Dannys face as he tried exhaling evenly to calm his staggering breaths")and i can perfectly picture this fully grown, gorgeous man (in my head he is, lol) breaking down in this really girly, pink, happy bedroom and the juxtaposition of that image in my head is really powerful.
Him being sat in that pink child-like bedroom, crying the way you described, reminds me of mourning child-hood, the innocence, the memories him and cara had, the carefree nature of childhood, and now that's all gone... it's like he's grieving in her room and this happy girly pink innocence room is making a mockery of him, whilst also reminding him that the time for 'fun' and 'happy' and child-like ways has LONG gone...

Its amazing that your writing is so well written that my mind can create all of that from only two sentences in that entire passage about danny

hmmm i wonder if this means, once he mourns, he's going to become really forth-wright/ blunt/ focused/obsessed with solving the case.?

oh i cant WAIT to read the next chapter although because i read the old edit i think i know what's coming next but still if you do the next one anything like this you deserve a MASSIVE dobby award...this is epic stuff! well done im so happy for you

~Kim :)

Author's Response: YAY! I'm glad that you like the changes that I made to this chapter! Seriously, your review made me feel like I had so much potential with the chapter and I'm glad that you pointed it out! I definitely want to continue to live up to your expectations!

I'm SO glad you like Danny!!! :D
When I first thought of him, I immediately fell in love. I'd never fallen in love with a male OC that I tried creating so I'm glad you like him too!

I love that you made that connection between an adult Danny in a pink little girl's room.

Thanks for your review! Seriously, you have been the most helpful reviewer EVER!


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