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Review:nott theodore says:
Hello!

I'm here for the review tag. I think it might be helpful if you include a link to your stories in your signature on the forums so that people can find your story more easily if you're wanting them to review it - it makes things a lot easier!

So, I like the first chapter of this story. Next generation is my favourite so I was automatically inclined to like it. Your opening was intriguing and made me want to read on to find out more about the character, and why she was feeling so helpless. I liked the sections from different times as they helped us to learn more about Charlotte and you've started building up her relationship with Al using these, too. I'm glad you make it clear what time the section is in because sometimes it can be quite confusing to read! I also liked the change to Albus' point of view for the last sentence, and I thought it was really effective.

You've made me really curious about your protagonist already, which is definitely a good start for the story! Charlotte has obviously got some sort of anxiety problem and I want to know more of the history behind that. I like the fact that Al and Charlotte are childhood friends and I'm interested to see how you develop their relationship, as well as her relationship with the other Weasleys and Potters. I'm already worried about Granny's health, and I also want to know why Charlotte is living with her grandma instead of her parents.

I noticed a few grammatical errors in this chapter, and although they don't really detract from your story, it would be improved if you corrected them. Also (and sorry about this!) you used Americanisms like asphalt, and they really annoy me (we say tarmac, in case you were wondering!). The other improvement I would suggest is maybe lengthening some of your paragraphs to offer more variation in the story.

Have you thought about getting a banner made for your story? I found my story got a lot more readers when I got a banner. If you need help with this, feel free to ask me on the forums!

Overall, I thought this was a really good start to your story! Well done!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Hey nott theodore :)
This review is so helpful, thank you very much! I was worried that by switching between time frames the writing would seem choppy and not flow well. I'm glad you think it works. Thank you for letting me know about the grammar mistakes, I'll be sure to go back and look for those when I have the time. As for the Americanisms...I know!! I'm awful at doing that and I'm sure that if you kept reading you would find a LOT more. My bad! I really need to work on those. Thanks also for the tip on lengthening my paragraphs.
I do have some questions so I think I'll take you up on your offer and message you on the forums (I just joined today so I can do that now!)
Thanks again for the review
-Avis12



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