Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CherryBoom says:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review! =)

Tonks is one of my favorite characters in HP. So this story should be really fun to read.

You gave us quite a lot of backstory in the beginning of the chapter, but once I got past that, story's pace picked up really well. The rest of it was nicely action oriented, and the whole Guild scene felt natural, although admittedly you could have used the incredible environment JKR has created for Grimmauld Place more vividly in descriptions. The ending was bit abrupt, maybe it could have had some kind of hint to what might happen in next chapter.

Tonks's character was really well written, and Remus sounded quite believable as well, although we didn't get much out of him yet. You forgot to place Sirius before his first line. I mean that there wasn't any description of where he was standing and what he was doing before his first line. In fact, you could add bit more description to all guild members, since they didn't have many lines each in this chapter. That would make them act more naturally.

The dialogue was excellent in most parts. Sirius felt bit out of character, especially towards the end of the chapter. He sounded far too housebroken considering he's a man who has been forced to be inside his parents' weird house that he hates 24/7.

There were some small typos and inconsistencies in this chapter, but nothing major. All in all, it was excellent start for a fic, and most imporantly left me wanting more. =)

If you have questions about this review, you can PM me in forums. Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: Hello there!

Yes I realise know that I probably gave too much backstory at the beginning of the chapter, but I have such difficulty trying to find a place to weave it all in. I'm glad that the rest of the chapter balanced it out though, as I would hate it if it was all slow!

I know I tend to lack description a lot of the time, so thank you so much for pointing out where I could include more. I just always wonder whether I'm boring the reader but including it, so I'll add some more in :)

I'm glad that you liked Tonks' character, and as for Remus I didn't want him to feature too much in the first chapter as I thought it might be a bit odd if she paid him so much attention and didn't know who he really was. I hopefully make up for it in the second chapter ;D

I'll sort out the Sirius issues, it's just hard trying to estimate what he'll act like as he's such an unpredictable character, I'll definitely go back and include some of the pointers about him.

I'll re-read the chapter and get rid of the errors, they always seem to appear no matter how many times I read the chapter, and it's so annoying!

I'm glad that you wanted to read on, and thank you for such a helpful review, I'm definitely going to go back and edit in the pointers :D

-Kiana :D

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 900
Submit Report: