Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:nott theodore says:
Hello!

Yay! This was a really long chapter which made me very happy, and we found out what Al has been hiding and what he's been doing in the forest. I have to say, though, that I definitely did not expect that!

I really love reading this story from Al's point of view. It's great to see how you're developing all of the different characters as you write them. Of course we couldn't find out much about Al at the beginning since he wasn't at Hogwarts with James and Sirius, but I like the way each of your characters has their own story and reasons for behaving the way they do, and I think the different points of view you use are a really good way to show that.

I enjoyed the beginning of this chapter, with the different lessons and particularly the flying class. Madam Hooch is right - it's nice to see a Potter and a Malfoy being friends instead of fighting. I've always imagined that Al and Scorpius would become friends since I think Harry would be a lot more willing to forgive and forget what Draco did than Ron. The way they fooled around made me laugh, and the different events in the class reminded me of Harry's first flying lesson, too. Even down to the fact that someone needed rescuing from a disastrous first encounter with a broom! I feel sorry for Amy, but I like the fact that James was the one who saved her. It definitely seemed to fit with the rest of the story - maybe she won't dislike him quite as much now, since she did manage to thank him. And possibly there might be some sort of romance between the two in the future? (Yesterday didn't cure me, after all!)

Lowsley is a strange character. I can't decide whether or not I like him, but I did like the way that you wrote his lesson. It's clear that Al is a lot more measured than James and Teddy, and thinks things through a lot more, which makes sense with him being in Slytherin as well. I'm impressed with Al's knowledge though - although I suppose that having the Head Auror as your dad must help a lot when it comes to DADA!

I just wanted to say that this line was brilliant:
"For example, Iím fairly certain that my father didnít ride a unicorn into battle with Voldemort. At least, thatís not how my father tells itÖ"
It just made me laugh so much. The idea of all the ways that Slughorn exaggerates stories of Harry and his escapades is really funny.

I think Al must be much more observant than other characters, as well, since he noticed that James does still have the map and the cloak. They both know that the other is hiding something and of course Al uses that to his advantage (true Slytherin, haha!) to get what he wants. I was glad that you showed the fact that James is still struggling with the fact that Albus got put in a different house. He is trying his best to deal with it, but of course he won't get used to the idea overnight, and you portrayed that well.

But oh my Merlin, I did not expect the ending! Fawkes was the mysterious thing that Albus found in the forest! I really did not see that coming at all. You hinted at the 'thing' all through the chapter (and with the cliffhangers you've been leaving us recently) so I'm glad you revealed it. I like the idea of James taking Sirius with him to snoop/protect Al when he goes out to the forest at night, and I definitely enjoyed Snape's return! Did the centaurs fire on Al because they were protecting Fawkes? Or is something else going on? I'm really curious to see how you develop this plotline and how it is connected with everything else happening in the story!

I did notice a few grammar errors every so often, and a few typos at times, so you need to be a bit more careful of that, but I realise you're trying to update quickly and I'll take the quick updates with a few mistakes since you can go back and edit later! I would like to see more from Sirius' point of view, I think, and learn more about the mysterious goings-on with the families of Death Eaters. What was he doing with the werewolves? And what happened to the Malfoys/Notts/Goyles? There are so many things I'm really curious about in this story!

And I think this is possibly the longest review I've ever left anyone, so I'm going to stop wittering now. I'll look forward to the next chapter and I hope you update soon again!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Oh my! I love long reviews! I'll try to leave an equally long review to answer as many questions as I can. :)
I'm kind of glad that you weren't expecting it. I know a few people guessed Fawkes, but I didn't want it to be too obvious. Those who had read all the chapters recently remembered when James, Fred and Sirius first went into the forest and honestly that was my first hint that we would be seeing Fawkes. I just thought that it would be fitting for Al to be the new owner of Fawkes - mainly for his namesake and because I kind of favor Al...
Al is really fun for me to write. I have big plans for him in the future and it will tie in nicely with Sirius and James overall (I can't say what sadly, but it's like two or three big chapters I'm looking forward to - I've already started working on them). I felt the need to develop Al more, because one - I like him as a character and two - he's a change of pace and gives me a more nostalgic feeling.
I enjoyed writing the flying class scene. I'm glad that you like the parallels between Al's flying class as compared to Harry's. I did try to make Al's very similar to Harry's. :)
I always planned on Amy being saved by James from the moment I thought of her. Typically, I don't like OCs that I think of, unless it's my own story (original story that is), but Amy is slowly growing on me. I'm not too sure about all my plans yet, but I will say that her and James will interact a lot more.
Next, about Lowsley...I honestly don't know what I think of him either. I mean, I know...but I don't...He is extremely interesting to write and all, but not the main focus currently. I had a hard time writing the "lesson plan" for his class. I knew I wanted Al to shine here, but without dueling - like his brother. You are correct, this chapter did show more of Al's Slytherin characteristics than others. Not bad characteristics, but it set him apart from James and Teddy. I wanted to show that a little more since we've only mostly heard how analytical, cleaver and even cunning Al is and not too many actions to back it up.
Haha, I had fun writing that line. It seemed more like a Rita thing to do, but I could also see Slughorn trying to give Al and James his account like that. xD
Al is more observant, but not to the annoying point. He knows when and when not to talk and bring things up. He knows that James has a reason for hiding the Map from everyone, but he doesn't feel too much of a need to dig, because he knows and trusts his brother. But Al will use his knowledge against James to get what he wants. He knows James well enough to get away with it too.
James is still trying to deal with Al being in Slytherin, he didn't really give it much thought until after he made up with Al and Sirius, but it still bothers him. He's dealing with it the best he can. He slips up every now and then though.
Haha, at first I didn't have them snooping, but as I wrote that scene I thought "Something√ʬĬôs missing...Oh I know!" I like writing scenes with Snape and Al. It√ʬĬôs so much fun and interesting!
As for the Centaurs, there will be more on that in the next chapter. I don't want to say much more than that at the moment, but you√ʬĬôll find out soon.
I need to catch those better. :/ I'm really sorry. I don't know how much they bug you, but they sure bug me. I need to be more careful, some of it is because I do tend to write these fast and almost in one sitting at times, but that's not a very good excuse.
You will see Sirius' POV again really soon (next chapter). So your wish will come true.
Next update might be a while, sadly. :( I am unfortunately busy with school and moving at the moment, so it's a bit hard to find time to write as much as I would like to. :( I'm trying to finish up the next chapter and upload it for next week, so I can at least give you a chapter per week still. I'm really sorry if it's a bit late. :(
Thank you so much!
Taz


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 560
Submit Report: