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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
So, we got to meet her best friends! I'm very glad that they didn't raise a fuss when she told them; friends are supposed to stick by through thick and thin, and obviously, Livi and Kayl are not the type to desert Lily. Good for them. :)

The biggest thing that I noticed is all of the grammatical errors. Things like "know" and "no," "their" and "there..." I've probably told you this before, but something you should really consider when you come back to edit this is the fixing of all the errors. It will make your story more readable and easier to understand, and it will make grammar nazis (like me!) very happy. :)

Also, sometimes I couldn't follow exactly what was going on because something that one of the characters did or said was unclear. Clarity is everything when you're telling a story like this--a story that doesn't rely on mystery or dark events to give it suspense. I would suggest that you check it out a little bit when you edit.

Other than that, you've done a pretty good job of continuing the action. I'm sort of curious to see Jake's reaction to Lily's news.

And also... That chapter image!! Me gusta. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey,

As you may have noticed grammar is totally not my stong point. I'm working with my beta to sort this out as well as checking it over a few times. So hopefully it'll be sorted soon.

I will, thank you for pointing that out because I think as I'm writing it, I don't notice because it makes sense to me because I know the whole plot.

He is rather pretty isn't he and so is the chapter image ;D (thanks to naughtforreal)

Thank you once again, you've been really helpful :)

-Potterfan310
Soph x


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