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Review:CherryBoom says:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review! =)

It was a very interesting idea to use a couple of lesser known characters for one-shot. I haven't read many fics about them, so it was nice to see how you imagine their characters.

I was bit disoriented in the first part of the fic. I was assuming that she was lying in some abandoned warehouse or something (because you didn't mention where she was), and dying slowly from her wounds, because her thoughts were so jumbled. So I was quite surprised when I realized that she was actually wandering around Diagon Alley, when I got further in the fic.

It was left quite unclear why she was in Diagon Alley. Was she leaving note to someone before her death? Visiting the places where she used to go with Benjy? How did Voldy & the Death Eaters know where she was?

I'm guessing you must have answers at least to some of my questions, but they just didn't show up in text. So extra descriptions could make this fic bit more readable. Now I was just left in some kind of suffocating cloud where I couldn't figure out which way she was going.

I liked her inner thoughts, although those were bit too flowery for my personal taste. I appreciate your similes, but they kind of kidnapped the plot and never let go.

I wasn't sure until the end, whether she was on a good side or bad side. Most of the story was quite ambivalent about it.

Her fate was left bit unclear. Like was she killed on the spot or tortured first? Or did Death Eaters capture her, break her mind and then kill her? So many options. The end left me with many questions as you can see.

I can appreciate this type of writing in one-shot, but if it was longer fic, it would definitely need some sprucing up, so that I wouldn't lose hope and stop reading it before the end.

I didn't actually learn a lot about the characters. Clearly Benjy and Dorcas were lovers, but that's almost all I got. There was a typo right in the end in Dorcas's name by the way. I think there were a couple of other inconsistencies as well, but can't remember right now where those were.

You are way good with expressing character's feelings. I could feel her intense pain about losing her lover, and there was some guilt in there too. But most of all she was practically out of her mind with grief. I hope that was the effect you were striving for? =)

It was intriguing and generally well written one-shot. But bit distrubing. =P

If you have questions about this review, just PM me. Other than that, I hope this was helpful review. Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: hi! I'm sorry for the late response to this! I've been so busy and i've gotten so behind on all my responses to reviews! I'm really sorry because i don't want to seem unappreciative.

I want to thank you for your honesty and i see where you are coming from with a lot of your points. Especially with needing to establish the setting earlier to avoid any confusion. And maybe hint stronger to why she was there and clear up some of the imagery and similes. I have a habit of letting them take over the plot. Part of it was that she was a little out of her mind with grief and disillusion with the war. She doesn't have a strong grasp on reality which is why some of this is confusing because it's reflecting her own mind frame which is in the simplest sense, confused. She's broken and the war has broken her both emotionally and mentally. She's out in Diagon Alley because she's trying to grasp who she was before, someone who'd do what she wanted and fight the power the war had on the world and another part is the fact that she just wants death. Rather death than keep experiencing what she is experiencing. Which is the loss of a lover and the loss of innocence that things will get better.

The ending is supposed to be a bit ambiguous. It's the end of her rope where her mind really doesn't have a grasp on what's going on around her. Mostly i just want to reader to interpret it how they like.

I get what you're saying with most of your points and i will try to clean a few things up just so that it's more readable. Thank you so much for your honesty!! :)


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