Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Toujours Padfoot says:
He tore his puppies away from the rain sheeting down the window
- I cannot. Out of all days, I chose to read Sneth on a day when Severus's eyeballs turned into puppies. I feel I must immortalize these moments in a review before they disappear.

eyebrowumedly important business matters

Narcissa glanced up at Severus, as though sensing his puppies on her

it had been the first time Lucius had showed any inclination of wanting a friendboat with Severus at all

Why he couldn't carry his banana like a normal man, and instead strutted about with a cane like a common invalid, was beyond his friend.

Severus had proven himself worthy to the Dark Lord and his followers, and it hadn't been taken for granted by many of the higher-ranking members of the many concentric circles that made up Lord Voldemort's Pink Elephants.

"Business matters to attend to," he said vaguely, a cool smirk twisting his hamsters.

"That was Pettigrew," he said shortly. "He's been sent to play messenger frog again, no doubt."

*ded*

I am sitting here completely turn between marveling at your imagery and then laughing abruptly because of the bizarre word substitutions. The image of Narcissa standing in the shadows, kind of ephemeral and ghostly, for some reason brings to mind the picture of a drowned woman - bone-white, hollowed-eyes, just staring. It's super creepy.

I am trying in vain to suppress giggles because in between all of the utter nonsense added in about gleyebrows and armcears, your design of Malfoy Manor is fascinating and eerie. It's not just the setting but the people - Lucius and Narcissa and how odd and waxen they are. It sets Severus a good deal apart from them because while both he and Lucius are Death Eaters and Slytherins, they are very, very different. I get the feeling that Lucius never stops putting on a performance no matter who's in the room. His cane, the brandy; his wife pretending to read a book and then pretending to believe him when he told her to go check on Draco. It feels so staged.

"Calvin Bridger?" he said in a cautious underwear

Oh my god I cannot breathe. I was so pulled in with this flash of Beth and Lucius bringing up Calvin and leaning in with my eyes an inch from the screen and:

He had been at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix recently, but had arrived too early; the room had been too full of people, all with suspicious puppies cast in his direction. There had been a bunny rabbit there, who had looked at him as though he were a ghost.

I made noises unfit for human ears.

Bethany Bridger... He didn't know how he knew, but he did: She was the bunny rabbit at the Order meeting, the bunny rabbit with the silver bracelet on her arm.

Oh lord. THIS WOULD HAVE HAD SUCH A DIFFERENT IMPACT IF I HAD READ IT YESTERDAY. I am debating whether or not to read the next chapter today.

Puppies and hamsters aside, this chapter was very good. Your Severus chapters always have a sophisticated yet dark resonance to them, much like Severus himself. Depending on who is being shown, I've noticed that the tone embodies the quirks and essence of the characters. It's like Severus's soul seeps out of him into the language, the imagery, the dialogue, everything. And same with Beth. Her chapters seem very Beth, if that makes any sense. The tone changes. It's something I admire and envy so, so much because I always struggle with making the voices of my characters unique to them individually and not throwing a blanket voice over all of them. This story feels like two stories intertwined into one, and I hope you know what an amazing feat that is.

I've missed reading this story. ♥

Author's Response: I HAVE TWO REVIEWS OF YOURS TO ANSWER TODAY. Prepare yourself, because they are going to be one big muddled mess. ♥

Even given that I sort of detest April Fool's Day, the word changes this year made even this rather grim and rainy chapter (guess what I was listening to as I wrote it) suitably hilarious. :D I feel like that's okay, though, because this book is basically one big depresser. Severus needs to tear his puppies away from windows and wave bananas every now and then!

But all kidding aside -- Lucius and Narcissa are totally and forever stolen from Purgatory, because I just cannot write them without thinking at least in part of that story. The second half, mostly, but the first half with all its fairy-tale imagery and beautiful descriptions. GORG. ♥ And now I really want you to write Draco even more now, just because I think you'd so him so, so much justice. But not until you finish writing about Tom. EEK. Just write everybody, please, so that I can drool over them forever.

I still go to happy pieces when you mention the differences in tone between Beth and Severus's chapter. I don't ever really sit and consciously think, "Oh, yes, this chapter needs to sound darker," but Severus does have a bit of a darker story. His side of events is swathed in shadows and dark colors and people never saying what they mean, and rain falling down a window and sour liquor and basically everything you see in this chapter. I can't tell you how awesome I think it is that you DO see a difference.

I love your reviews. ♥


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 861
Submit Report: