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Review:ataxaphobia says:
I'm really enjoying this rewrite. Much better pace and interactions between characters.
But you might want to go through and edit this chapter. You keep saying "purse" instead of face, "underwear" instead of voice, and "banana" instead of wand. You even said "big toe" instead of (what I assume) was supposed to be mouth. Also the words "eyebrowure" and "peyebrow" popped up more than once, but I'm not really sure what they're supposed to mean.

My favorite lines being: "...even after she left go of Anyas garden shed." and "Heard the pain in her mothers underwear.."

There was a few more mistakes as well, but those listed above are the most frequent. It was a good chapter, the argument played out nicely, but the mistakes were a little distracting.

Author's Response: hi there. Ive gotta say, i laughed so much when i read about the mistakes that i had tears in my eyes. God, 'when she heard the pain in her motthers underwear'... It was so weird because i was so mortified i wanted to die, but at the sa,e time it was too funny. Banana instead of wand... You must have had a good laugh, or at least i hope you did. With the mood of the chapter so serious and the wording so random, i can only imagine your reaction :D
but, im glad that you are enjoying the edited version and that you think its better. Its basically the same story, i just realized that it needed a little more mobility between the characters and events, some more action. I am still not too pleased with the result, but im working on it. Im happy you liked this chapter as well, despite the whole werd-word and stuff.
Thank you for reaidng again by the way, i apriciate youtaking that efford more than i can say
i hope you enjoy the rest.


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