Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
That was a really interesting start. Iíve never read a story set in another country before, and for it to be in the Sahara desert just makes it even cooler. I like the adventure and mystery youíve set up already, and I can tell that itís off to a good start. And the mysterious Bonnie! Just few tiny pointers for the prologue though. I would have liked to have found out the name by the end of it, but this is just probably me being impatient so feel free to ignore.

This part confused me a little to ĎLooking back he saw that his companion camel was nowhere in sight. Looking back at the pool, he noticed that it seemed to be the same length away it had been before.í I think it was the fact that you used Ďlooking backí, and I thought he was already looking back so you donít need to reinforce it again.

At the beginning of chapter 1 you used she for Roseís thoughts, but I didnít realise they were hers, so I think it would be easier to replace she with Rose, so the reader isnít confused. I liked her thoughts though as it made you wonder what she wasnít ready for, and what always happened. It tied in well with the mystery you set up at the beginning.

Ooh and we got to find out who Bonnie is! The next scene sort of confused me, as there was a mention of an old man, but we didnít find out who it was then. There Bonnie called Mark Ricky and that threw me a bit. I think if you included a little more description in that, it might help ease the reader in.

I thought it was interesting to see that Scorpius didnít want them to study Muggle Studies, as I would have thought he would be over that divide by now. Iím sure that produced a lot of arguments between him and Rose! It was cool that they got to have a muggle upbringing though.

I liked the mystery about why Scorpius wasnít at the graduation ceremony and I canít wait to see if it ties in at all. You could see that there was still a lot of anger between Rose and him, and I canít wait for it to erupt, and whether there were any more reasons behind it other than upbringing issues and him being late.

This was a good first chapter, and I canít wait to find out all of the secrets!

-Kiana :D

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 676
Submit Report: