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Review:Flavia says:
As, this story was really sweet! And being a short story worked so well because you kept it concise and didn't waffle with unnecessary paragraphs.
I really loved the dual development of Molly and Campbell's relationship and Molly's personal revelations, you paced it really well, and even though they fell in love very quickly, it worked as a sort of 'whirlwind' romance. Molly's perspective on her family and how that changed as the story progressed was really good too.
I think sometimes the writing was lacking a bit, it wasn't always as finished or as mature as it could have been, but it did seem to improve slightly throughout the story. That's also something that improves the more you write and deconstruct our own writing, so for a first story it was fine (and much better than a lot of other stories I've read). One thing I did think was that the opening paragraph of the first chapter was a bit too robotic and not very attention grabbing, and I think first paragraphs and first sentences really need to be given a lot of attention when they're being written because it can determine whether or not a reader will give your story any attention. I did however, love the connection between the beginning of the first and last chapter and the way her outfit for work showed the changes in Molly's life. Very clever!
Overall, a really great, sweet, fun story that was super easy to read and very enjoyable. I can't wait to see what you write next. :)

Author's Response: I have to agree with you about my writing, although thank you for saying that it seemed to improve during the story. There are so many fantastic writers on this site and I'm trying to read as much as I can to learn from them. I still have a long way to go! And I've realised since I posted this that the opening paragraph does need to be a lot more interesting to grab people's attention, so that's also something I'm working on!

I wanted this to be a short story to really portray the whirlwind romance with Molly and Campbell. I've never actually tried writing anything like this before so that was new for me as well, and I was very wary of exaggerating everything too much. I'm glad you saw a development of the characters through the story, though, and you're the first person who's noticed the connection between the first and last chapters!

Thank you so much for this review, it was really helpful and I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

nott theodore :)


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