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Review:academica says:
Hi Lia! Decided to pop by tonight for our exchange :)

I really liked this! I don't often read fics where the author is bold enough to allow Lily to actually desire Severus in return. It was interesting to watch her throw herself at him in the middle section, and I liked the bit of intrigue you created with them sneaking around.

In fact, I would have loved to get more of that description in a bridge between the third section and the last one. What I'm guessing is that she misinterpreted his comment as saying he wanted to be friends, when really he wanted something more, but I'm not positive that I've read that right. I also would have liked to see a little more of his train of thought at the end--he seemed to go quickly from being heartbroken about Lily only wanting to be friends to accepting that fact and just being satisfied with having her in his life. You did such a great job with his internal dialogue throughout the rest of the piece, and I think a little more there would just make this perfect!

The only other thing that seemed a teensy bit off was the use of the word "bleated" in the first section. I could see it being a typo that was meant to be "blurted," and I could also see it being a reference to a sheepish reaction or something, but it kind of interrupted the flow for me. The image was a little humorous, and I'm guessing it wasn't meant to be. Oh, and you've got a few incorrect dialogue tags, which you could probably fix if you look over the tutorial available on the forums.

Overall, nice job! I love your take on Snape/Lily :)


Author's Response: Hi Amanda,

I'm sorry I took so long to get back to you. It's been a while, I know.

I was never a huge Snily fan. I don't mind them, that's for sure. Most of the ones I read featured Snape pining after Lily, but we never saw her side of things. Maybe she felt the same way, but thought that it would be best if they remained friends. Maybe she thought he was too familiar and too damaged (a bit like she was). I figured it might have been fun to see the female pursuing the male for once ;) It's a different take on Severus too, I think. It's like he's overwhelmed with the sight of her sometimes. Or even the situation.

I understand what you mean with more description being needed. I thought it was lacking too, but wasn't sure where. There was a nagging feeling and I didn't know what to do about it.

No, you're right. He did misunderstand her. Lily is feeding on the foundation of their relationship. He is, at that point, her best friend and has been since they were children. He understands her better than anyone. So of course that's what she'll revert to when she's vulnerable. It would seem odd for her to say anything else. At that point, I'm not sure they had come to the conclusion as to what they were yet. That would have been the perfect situation to discuss that, but it didn't turn out that way.

I meant to allude to what will happen in a few months time. This was set in the Christmas of fifth year. So, yeah, i agree with you completely. His thoughts could be fleshed out more.

I'm glad you liked this :) Thank you for taking your time to give such a thoughtful review.


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