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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey Mya!

I liked Albus’ and Lily’s friendship. I usually only see when they’re teenagers, so it was nice to see that they were still close as adults. I found it funny that he was going to his younger sister for advice, because usually it’s the other way around!

I felt kind of sorry for Albus, him being so dense and all. Honestly, she’s a pregnant woman their hormones are just running all over the place, what do you expect her to be like? I like how you’ve focused on the less glamorous aspects of pregnancy, because in the usual pregnancy stories I’ve read everything’s hunky dory, and there are no issues with it at all.

What Ginny’s dead? I did not expect that! It was a really cool twist though, and it explains Albus’ rather irrational behaviour. I liked Lily’s thoughts to her mum they were really sweet. I hope you explore how she died, and it would be cool to have a flashback of the funeral or whatever and see how Albus acts then. And Harry we have to see him, he must be so lost without her!

So Lily’s married to Lysander then, that’s cool. You mentioned this Ryan person, and it seemed as if we were meant to know him by the way you talking about him, but I don’t think you mentioned him before, so perhaps if you include a side note when talking about her in the previous chapter, and it would make more sense here. Haha Lysander does seem to be quite a character though.

There were a few grammar issues in this chapter. It was mostly in past tense though there were a few occasions where you slipped into present such as here – ‘She decides to not say’, it should be ‘She decided to not say’. And here – ‘Ruby really changed you didn’t she?," Lils teased her brother.’, there should be a comma after you, and you just needed a question mark not a comma as well after she :) Then with this sentence ‘she started to cry and then smile in less than a 2 minute interval!’, I would say ‘she just started crying for two minutes, then suddenly changed to smiling’. I don’t think you need the ‘you’ in here – ‘Look, you Albie loves again,’. You seem to love using exclamation marks, though the effect is good, if you overuse them they begin to lose their effect.

Overall I thought it was a really good chapter, and I liked getting to know Lily and Lysander. You just need to clean up some grammar errors really :)

-Kiana :D

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