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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey Mya!

It was a sweet beginning with Ruby snuggling up to Albus. I liked that brief bit about how Al had to convince her to get married, I wonder why she wouldn’t have wanted to marry him? I liked how you made them have a happy marriage, because it’s a nice contrast to what we usually see in fan fiction and I rather enjoy the change.

I found at some points like this one – ‘How will I go on like this?!!?’, that there was too much punctuation used. I can see that it has a good effect, it just lowers the standard writing, so perhaps if you calmed it down and kept it to just a question or exclamation mark it would look better :)

I saw the brief hints about how they ended up together appearing again when Albus was calling her his princess. I really want to know why she saw past his ‘beast’, because I never imagined that Albus was an evil one, so I want to see what you’ve done with him!

I liked the internal thoughts both of them had but the punctuation which showed that they were internal thoughts was a little odd. Here for example – ‘since he was such a mischievous child! Just like I was!,’ There wasn’t much need to be a comma at the end because it was italicised. Perhaps if you wanted to differentiate even more you could put it in speech marks, and then you would have to end it with some form of punctuation such as a comma.

I liked how you made them have muggles things. I liked the whole wiz brand because it would make sense for them to have it, and I can’t wait to see what other products appear in that line of things.

Wow that was dramatic! There I was worrying that Ruby and the baby may die, and Al catches her likely, and starts shouting all of a sudden. I guess the beast is his anger issues. Even though I love those two being all lovely dovey it made it more realistic with the argument, even if it made me a little sad reading it.

I liked seeing all of the family at the end. However I was a little confused as to who’s child is who’s so perhaps if you included a little more explanation, or it made be said in the next chapter ;D

It was a great chapter though, and I really liked reading more about the family!

-Kiana :D

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