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Review:ShadowRose says:
ShadowRose again, with your requested review!

I like the conversations you create throughout this chapter, because they both focus on Dark magic and Death Eaters and things like that, but are still relatively light, because it's all between families. It's really interesting to see all of this from their perspective.

I think it's great that you included Sirius's mum, because you get to see her when she's not around Sirius, and she's a quite different person! Although I like how she complains about him, it just kind of reminds the reader that all the other Marauder stuff is going on at the same time as all of this.

I like the dynamic between Bellatrix and Ambrosia, which you started last chapter and are continuing into this one. They seem very close and share the same ideals.

Some of the spacing in this chapter is uneven, where some breaks between paragraphs are longer than others, and it's a little jarring to the eyes.

I like how you include bits of canon story, so even though this fourth sister is a bit of a departure from canon, it's still highly relatable.

I really like that she's wanting to join the Death Eaters, because there are just so many possibilities that can come from that plot point! I'm excited to see where you go with it.

Overall, this a great second chapter.


Author's Response: Hi ShadowRose!

I'm really glad to hear that the conversation didn't come off as heavy. We so often see just the deathly serious side of the non-Sirius members of the Black family (Odd as that sounds), and it's been nice to imagine how things might have gone at a lighthearted event like a graduation dinner.

On a different though related subject, I've never been able to see why Kreacher would accuse Sirius of breaking his mother's heart if someone in the family didn't believe it had happened! I'm trying to contrast Walburga's younger self with her portrait in Grimmauld Place a bit, because I definitely don't see how a woman who is supposed to be an upstanding pureblood lady and mother to Regulus could have held it all together if she was in anything like the sort of mental state we see in that portrait. I feel like Sirius's estrangement could have broken something in her, even if it wasn't entirely because of her affection for him, so I tried to imagine Walburga before that happened.

Spacing is an issue for my computer and I and has been for quite a while. I might try switching to the simple editor upon posting and see if that resolves the issue, and I definitely appreciate you mentioning it. The unevenness is probably the result of me trying to bring the paragraphs closer together and missing a few. :)

Hearing that the bits of canon that I have included are noticeable is quite satisfying as well. I've tried to structure my plot so that this could have happened at the same time as everything canon, but its nature is pretty AU, so I've tried to strike a balance. :)

Many thanks for your review!


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