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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello there Iím here with your requested review!

I liked the family scene you set up at the beginning of this chapter, it was nice to get learn more about the family dynamics of the Blacks as theyíre such an interesting family. Even though it was only a brief mention I thought it was interesting that the girlís mother put so much emphasis on their education and how she was angry about them failing. It seemed different to the social norms but I rather liked it.

The spacing in between the paragraphs is a little off putting due to how big they are, so perhaps if you minimised the space it will make reading it easier?

I really liked how you included canon things such as Regulus being a seeker, and the banners in Siriusí room it just makes the story more realistic, and believable. It also helps the reader relate to it more if they can recognise something without them being thrown in at the deep end.

I liked the use of ellipses at first, but then I found it used about three times in one paragraph. Itís quite a powerful piece of punctuation and it should only be used moderately, because otherwise it loses itís impact, so perhaps if you toned down your usage of it, it would have more force?

The plot was a little slow to begin with as it was just the family conversing, but it seemed to pick up pace when Ambrosia and Bella started talking to each other. It was rather interesting that she wanted to become one, as Iíve never read an OC wanting to become one before. Perhaps if you include more reasons why she wanted to become one it would be more reasonable, because all Iíve known about her views so far is that she supports them, but she didnít agree with them so much to join.

I liked the ending with Bella showing her mark, it seemed to show that they had a strong bond with one another as I doubt you would show it with most people. Itís rather nice to see Bella being friendly to people.

I thought it was an interesting chapter, and I can see that this is heading in an interesting direction!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Nice to hear from you again Kiana!

I thought the idea that prioritizing education for pureblood witches might be contrary to social norms was interesting, but I could understand how it might be. I've always felt that for the pureblood families, being competent in magical skills would be a status symbol for witches as much as wizards. I based Druella's indignation on Lucius Malfoy's disgust upon hearing that his son's grades were worse than Hermione's. If Narcissa fails Herbology, then surely there's a Muggle-Born somewhere that did better, and that is simply not acceptable.

I am pleased to say that although it wasn't an easy thing to do (my computer doesn't enjoy readability, for whatever reason), I have finally been able to fix my spacing issues! If you review for me again, the problem should be nonexistent! :) As far as the use of ellipsis, I appreciate your input and I will skim the chapter and see where I might be able to replace ellipsis with hyphens, because I am in the habit of using it to indicate pauses in sentences during dialogue.

I definitely appreciate your comments on the speed of my plot. As I've mentioned, it's the thing I am most concerned about in this story, particularly over the course of multiple chapters.

As for Ambrosia's desire to join the Death Eaters, I would say that for her, it has to do with more than just her support for pureblood causes, and I do address the reasons for it more in future chapters. However, I definitely want to know if the lack of information about them now detracts from the story or from Ambrosia's character!

Thanks a bunch for reviewing this chapter for me!

-Warrior


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