Woohoo! My 50th review of 2013!!
Awww, what a cute (is that the right word?!?) opening to the chapter. This was a perfect "just being young" moment. I remember enjoying more than a few nights like this when I was that age. There was a lot of tension in the last chapter, particularly for Belle and Sirius. They all deserve the chance to unwind a little. You are really good at making sure all the characters get some love and "screen time," but I do really like this quartet.
You said you were aiming to add some humor to this scene and I thought you did a great job. Best line of the chapter for me: My cheeks aren't working! You hit the nail on the head with that one. Brilliant!
Well, look at you adding a little steam to your story! You know I have no objections to that :P So often in James/Lily stories, we only ever get to see James as the pursuer, so this definitely flips that around and brings something new to the table for them. And I agree with what you said in your request. I do think alcohol can go a long way to lowering even a very careful person's inhibitions and push them (or give them the excuse to go) outside their typical boundaries. But I do think there are some conditions on that, namely how far outside the norm a person acts and the amount of "refreshments" they partook of. To the first, I don't think Lily is really doing something here she doesn't want to do (or at least a part of her wants to do). I think you laid a bit of the foundation for that in the last chapter when she was in the bathroom. But I was a little unsure as to her level of impairment. You have to be pretty far gone not to think about the people lying a few feet away, but yet she doesn't seem to have any trouble with the rather serious conversation that immediately follows. Does that make any sense?
Okay, I know you didn't ask about it in your request, but I loved the "mini" Bella scene. How her relationship with her husband worked was always a canon fascination for me, so I enjoyed this scene a lot. I really have nothing more to say on it other that her irritation is as amusing as it is terrifying.
I actually didn't think James acted too old in this scene at all. I thought their back and forth here was very natural and age-appropriate. I loved the cute banter at the beginning. It goes a long way to show their growing comfort together... far more than anything physical they could share. My only "complaint" is that you didn't show any of the wedding! I was totally looking forward to reading how humorously terrible it was going to be :P
Wow, what a final scene!! Of course it was stressful enough, you silly! Lily's half-dead and James just dived in front of a curse. I'm stressed just typing about it! I thought Bella was perfect. She isn't AS crazy as she'll be after a dozen years in Azkaban, but she's pretty darn nutty. She's clearly already in love with the power she has to inflict pain. And of course, James did everything she should have. We know Harry is like his Dad, and Harry is excellent at getting out of these sort of situations. Clearly James is frantic, but he doesn't lose all ability to reason. Trying to shift was an excellent idea, even if it didn't work. Overall, I thought the characters and the tension all hit a perfect note.
My only CC on this scene would be some tiny technical aspects. One, at the end of the scene before, the characters are apparating arm-in-arm, no? So wouldn't her arm slipping out of his be a big deal? Wouldn't that leave him behind or make him panic before she failed to respond to his call in the dark? Or maybe that's just how I picture apparating... Second, I might suggest setting the scene a little earlier. It isn't until the third paragraph we know they are still in the hotel room. If it were me, I'd mention it between sentences two and three, but where ever you might want to put it, I'd consider adding it earlier.
Well, I think that's all I've got on this one. Finally managed to get back under the character limit again! If you want/have the time, post your AoCs for the next chapter and I'll try to get to it tomorrow so I can (gasp!) finally be caught up before a new chapter gets posted. Lovely chapter. Can't wait to see how the characters work their way out of this terrible mess!
Oh, and just a few typos this...
-- One of the boys finally declared that it well past bedtime... (declared that it was well past OR declared it well past)
-- She arched her own body into him, her mind begging for his hands to keep toughing her, to keep exploring. (keep touching)
-- His parents seemed to know everyone on the face of the earth; he'd seen more, "I do's" than most preachers. But the Evans Dursley wedding was easily one of the worst. (no comma after more, and I'd do Evans-Dursley with a hyphen)
-- As she took a step closer to him, he could see a some sort of sick pleasure shining in her eyes. (he could see a sort of sick OR he could see some sort of sick)
Author's Response: I feel very honored to be your 50th review of 2013 ♥ how crazy is it that it's actually 2013? haha!
I'm so happy you think I do a good job at giving all the characters a good amount of screen time. And I'll admit, I love this quartet too. I try and not favor them over the others, but it's hard sometime. They, Belle especially, has a really important part in this book so I'm always careful to make sure I'm keeping readers interested in her. Or at least trying to. But I do worry about not giving Remus Peter and Frank enough screen time. It's a big group... haha
Hahahah I really liked the cheeks line not working, too. I've never done exactly that, but I have had those instances where my legs don't seem to be working. Haha
What you said about Lily not having any trouble with the serious conversation that followed. I'll definitely tweak that up a bit tomorrow, and of course I'll credit you for your help!
I'm really glad you liked Lily as the pursuer. It was fun to make James be the one that has to slow things down. Poor guy, he has some good self control. And I'll admit, I read a few scenes of OTE as well as the staff tutorial to be absolutely certain I wasn't going to far with this :P
Bella always manages to steal scenes, doesn't she? I actually have a short story in the makings of her and how she ends up the way she is. Or more... how she discovered the kind of person she is. If this group would ever let up on me maybe I could work on that a bit more! :P
I'm so happy you liked that last scene! Getting to watch James and his reactions, or I guess let them play out, was so sad but so fun. It's like... I don't know. Well, you understand. It's like you're writing it, but they're doing it, and you're getting exciting while they're doing it (or scared I supposed) and yeah. I'm sure it's how you felt doing the scene with Rose and Regina in the her apartment. Am I making any sense? I've had two days straight with the future in laws. If I'm not, I really can't be held accountable :P
I like the idea of setting the scene earlier, and again I'll credit you for your amazing help ♥
Also-- I didn't see it now, but I can swear you asked why Bellatrix didn't take them straight to Voldemort. Maybe that was in your next review. I'll hit submit for this, then answer it over there if it was there. Again, two days straight with in laws. haha.
I don't know if I say it enough, but you're feedback really is invaluable. You find those reviewers you request from that you just want to bottle up and never let go. That's you. At this point, you're the only one I still request. Oh, and Roots when I'm able to catch her! But you give so much amazing feedback, and I always look forward to seeing what you enjoyed and what you think I can improve on.
Thank you again, m'dear! And I have to admit, I've cheated with After We Fall. I read all the current chapters on our drive to Buffalo to pick up the in-laws from the airport. Because for some reason they wanted to fly into there *insert eye roll*. Anyway, I'm excited to review those these next few days when I'm at work and finally get a bit of quiet time!