Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there! I adore Bill/Fleur, so of course I had to read this. In response to your comment at the bottom about the French - I wouldn't worry about it! It seemed perfectly fine to me and I studied it for a long time, but if you're really unsure there's quite a lot of people who speak French fluently on the forums, so you can always ask them to check it over. I'm sure none of them would mind! :)

I loved how you brought up her noticing him at the Triwizard Tournament and her idea that they were meant for something more, her certainty that she would see him again. It's something almost naive, really, but I think so many people do it, you know, 'fall in love' with that person they've only met once/seen on stage or whatever. It's nice as well, because it adds another side to Fleur, making her somewhat romantic as well.

I really loved how you wrote her here. In the books she was always such a strong, determined and independent character and I felt you really brought that to life here. The only thing I would say about her characterisation is that she was very close to her sister, though we don't know so much about her parents, so I would have liked maybe just a bit more of a mention of Gabrielle and leaving her behind in France to go to England as I'm sure that would have had an effect.

Bill was lovely, of course. I liked how you didn't make him totally immune to her Veela charm, what with him being nervous, but didn't make him completely gormless, like Ron was in GoF, either. It's a great balance to get and really suits him well.

Haha, I also have to say that I loved how you made Fleur the one to ask Bill out to dinner, in 'payment' for English lessons. I've never really thought about that scenario, but it works really, really well! I almost feel sorry for Bill because she's so determined to get what she wants, you know? But then I remember that he falls in love with her and everything's good, lol.

The only other thing I'd say is that it's perhaps a little bit short. Maybe some more description would fill it out a bit more? Like more description about the office she's in, what Bill's wearing when he talks to her, etc. The picture feels a bit blank at the moment. But you don't have to take this too seriously - I tend to put in too much description so it might just be me ;)

I really enjoyed reading this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!

Yeah WTM corrected some of my French ;D I forget that a ton of people speak it, so if I do need help I'll remember your tip!

I'm glad that you liked the whole falling in love at first sight thing, because I do think it can happen. And I don't think many people pegged Fleur to be romantic, so it was fun to twist this!

I'm glad that you found her strong and determined as that's one thing I always admired about her in the books! I'll try and draw more emphasis on Gabrielle though, as they were really close :')

Hahaha I didn't think Bill would be susceptible to the Veela charm ;) I thought if he was nervous it would be fun!

Of course Fleur would ask him out, but I think Bill wanted to date her just as much as she wanted to date him, so he probably had no problem with it!

Yeah I need to work on my description as I really should include more, when I edit this, I'll add more in!

Thanks for the great review, and I'm glad that you liked it!

-Kiana :D

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net