Yep, it's me again.
I never mentioned this before, but I like that this story starts in fifth year. Especially because, as you show in this chapter, they are just now starting to use their Animagus abilities.
I like seeing Sirius's thought process regarding Thalia, and protecting himself. I've always seen Sirius as guarded when it came to loving anyone, and you capture that really well.
Another thing I like is the interaction you have between main characters and non-main characters, like Lily and Sirius. Some stories only focus on the main characters, but I like that you have a lot of outside interaction as well. Random observation.
I also like that Lily knows about Remus's condition. She's (a) smart, and (b) a Prefect, so I've always figured she would know somehow. I never like when she finds out like seventh year and is completely shocked.
Sirius's internal (and external!) ramblings just make me like him even more. It gives him that funny edge, instead of making him all brooding and stony. I like the Sirius you've created.
I also like how you've portrayed James's characterization, because you show him as a good guy, but not quite grown up and ready for Lily yet.
Speaking of that, I felt so bad for him when Lily rejected him. You really show how much it affects him, which many writers fail to do.
Continuing with the James commentary, I think his advice to Sirius shows that he definitely has the potential to grow up, her just isn't quite there yet. He's a smart kid.
Second time I felt bad for one of your characters: when Sirius saw Thalia and George. Poor guy, just a few minutes too late.
There was one line that kind of tripped me up: "She said, which George she was talking to, and why was she meeting him I thought worriedly." Maybe you could clarify it a little? I was kind of confused.
Other than that, this was a great chapter. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Yay another one!
Yes the animagus parts are fun, and I think I might even include a scene when they're out with Remus. Sirius is rather protective over himself, but with his family you can't really expect more, as he hasn't been taught how to love someone.
I'm glad that you liked the scene with Lily and Sirius. I agree, stories which just focus on the main characters never seem to be developed as much. Of course Lily would know, I figured she would have known before 7th year due to her being a prefect.
Sirius can't always be broody, he would get depressed, and his internal ramblings are fun to write!
Poor James, he is mature in some respects, but Lily can't see it yet, and I think James would get hurt when he got rejected, as he isn't just doing it for fun. Haha his advice to Sirius does mean Sirius tried, just not quick enough.
Haha I couldn't have them be together now, but they will be...eventually.
I'll re-read that line and change it to make it easier to read :)
Thanks again for another great review,