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Review:ShadowRose says:
Yay, it's a longer chapter! As a result, I'm thinking this will probably be a longer review, based on the notes I've taken... but I don't think that'll be a problem, will it? :)

I LOVE Wuthering Heights. Everyone I know hated it, but I think it's fantastic. Wow, that was completely unrelated to the review... oops.

I like how you've portrayed Remus - as sweet and everyone's friend. I also like how you've shown him as seeing the soft side of the Marauders - I always like that he can be used to point that out to other characters.

I like the mention of the Wood family, but if you're intending it to be Oliver's father, that probably wouldn't fit with canon, since Oliver would probably have been born by then. But naturally, there's usually more than one sibling, so it's probably a brother or something, and makes much more sense. :)

The Quidditch talk you threw in was perfect. It was complicated and went a little over my head, but I think that's how discussion of the sport is supposed to be. After all, if I started talking about American football to one of these characters, they wouldn't understand a word of it. So I like that it left me a little confused - it's perfect.

I do wish you had played up the prank a little bit. It was a hilarious idea, and had you expounded on it a little more, it might have been even better. But that's just my opinion. :)

You do get a little redundant at times. For example: "Being in the Slug Club was quite good as Lily was in it as well due to her wit and intelligence. Because of her wit and intelligence Lily was in the club as well." It's basically the same thing twice.

Also, there are a few sentences where you don't use any commas at all where they are needed, and it kind of turns into a run-on. (e.g. "Despite leaving the Great Hall later than usual this morning we were still the first ones at the dungeons.")

Lily and Mary's banter is quite funny - kind of reminiscent of me and my friends (in case you were wondering, I'm usually the Lily of the situation). It shows their contrast beautifully.

I love the part where she ends up falling into his arms. Some people might call that out as a cliche, but to be honest, I don't care about cliches. If it's well-written, like yours is, it doesn't matter that it's commonly used, because it works quite well. Okay, I need to stop turning your review into a rant.

I love how she starts thinking about how nice it feels before knowing who it was. It gave her quite the shock, and was interesting to read.

I like this side of Sirius, where he's trying to be nicer. He does seem like quite the charmer when he wants to be.

Man... I wasn't kidding about this being longer. :) On to the next chapter!

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Hahah I love Wuthering Heights too, so I had to include it here!

I'm glad that you liked Remus, and you're right his observations do come in use later on in the story, and I always imagined him to be like that.

Initially I wanted George to be Oliver's father, but then I thought about it, even if he was a young dad like James and Lily, he would be a year younger than them, so I figured I would go down the sibling route, as it made more sense;D

I know what you mean about the sport talk, eugh it's horrible! So I'm glad that you found it confusing (I never thought I would say that!), as it was meant to be like that!

I know the prank was a little lacking in description so I may go back and add a little more in! I'll also check the redundant phrases, and run on sentences I have habit of those, and it's a habit I strongly detest!

Yes Lily and Mary polar opposites in academic terms, and I thought it would be fun to include that, and yeah I would be fighting Lily's corner too ;D

Wah I love cliches, and I'm glad you too! I think they have too much of a bad rep, and they work well so that's why they're used a lot! Like you said, I'm turning into rant mode too!

I'm glad that you liked the idea of a nicer Sirius, as I think he's ego loving side to him is just a facade at times! Thalia is also starting to overcome her misconception of him too!

Thanks again for the review, and I have an updated version of the next chapter in the queue, so if it's riddled with errors, you now know why ;D

-Kiana :D

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