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Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums!

I am really liking this story so far. You had me intrigued from the first chapter itself and it is great that you decided to "go back" and show us what actually led to the events (of Lily's death etc.). So, great plot and writing style.

I liked how you started off the chapter on a mysterious note, I almost thought it was Lily's dead body James was checking, and then you showed us that it is their childhood and stuff, so that was good. I liked how you set the scene too and didn't jump straight into the nitty gritty.

So, Albus got sorted into Slytherin and began to alienate from the family, eh. It is a good start indeed, but I hope that you have a solid reason for Albus acting the way he is rather than just being sorted into Slytherin, because you know, the house cannot contribute to his "darkness". So, I am eager to see how you develop this plot line further. I did like the fact that you included a small part where it says that James didn't know that his mocking etc. contributes to Albus' darkness - that was a powerful section.

I'd have perhaps liked to see more description of Albus and his behaviour, more details on Harry and Ginny, and the situation, before you ended the chapter with the fight and James' thoughts, but nevertheless, it was a good attempt. Try to include more emotions and descriptions/details further though as they add to the story.

Besides that though, this was all pretty good. You presented the situation in an intriguing way, and it makes me want to read more. The entire chapter flowed smoothly and it had me drawn in. The final sentence was quite impacting - though as I said before, I'd have liked to see more emotion and details before you ended it.

I like your characterisations of young James, Lily, and Albus, and of Harry and Ginny too. The relationship between James and Lily seems to be very sweet and I am excited to see it develop before we go back in the present.

Oh and thanks for the sweet mention in your author's note. I absolutely loved the first chapter in all its intensity and darkness, but I think it is great you decided to backtrack a bit too as I enjoyed this chapter as well. I wasn't bored at all!

Great job! Keep writing! Please do re-request for chapter 3 if you wish to. I hope I didn't come across as harsh in all my suggestions/CCs.

I am liking the story and I can't wait to see how the plot develops. Good going!


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