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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hi Mya! Ooh this is the new story you were talking about, so I was really glad to see that you had requested!

I thought it was an interesting way to start. You could immediately sense the tension between her and her mother. Her mother sounds like someone you wouldnít particularly want to cross with the whole thing about the smiling. I was wondering whether the girl was a pureblood, as it sounds like pureblood behaviour.

I liked the dialogue between Rosenelle and James at the beginning, you could sense the tension between them, and it was some nice light hearted thing, which introduced you nicely to their relationship with one another.

I liked the drama of Roseanna and her parents. It was definitely interesting to jump straight into with a pregnant teen, and then her being kicked out, and running, presumably, to her boyfriends, who was Louis Weasley. One thing I would suggest in the future is not to choose names so similar as it does get a little confusing as to who is talking.

I really liked the third section you set up a great character. First of all sheís a seer, and Iíve never seen that done much, so I canít wait to see the consequences of her being one may be, and whether her predictions will have any major impacts. And secondly, she has an interesting background being from Greece, then her in Knockturn Alley, she seems like the one to watch, and that sheíll get up to a lot of interesting things.

I have a few CCís for you, in some cases capital letters and spaces were missing when they were needed, that should be easy to fix, so donít worry too much. Also in prose, numbers tend to look better written out, rather than in their numerical form, itís not much itís just a style thing. I also noticed some sentences were awkwardly phrased such as this one - Ďletís aboard the train before it leaves,í, I think should just be board the train.

I thought this was a great start to the story, there are just a few technical things which need to be sorted out, then this story will be awesome!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hey Kiana!!

Thanks for reviewing! yes this was the one we were talking bout :P just wanted to know what you thought haha.

Im glad you liked the story so far!! Its great that you enjoy the characters :P A lot of ppl seem to like the last part though tht seemed to be the hardest one to write hahah. I felt like I was tripping over myself the whole time.

Thanks for pointing out the CC's. I tried to fix them all!

Thank you for reviewing!


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