Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Hello, again! Sorry I've been away for a while. The Gryffindor-Slytherin Review Battle has kept me occupied for the past week or two.

I loved the difficulty that Rose had trying to settle back into her day-to-day life after returning from Bulgaria. And it wasn't just the trip to Bulgaria, I guess. That was only the last leg of the whirlwind journey she's been on. Everything she tries to do -- going to work, stopping by her parents' house, going home and cleaning her flat -- seems so flat through her eyes. She's discovered this whole new world of excitement and fulfillment pursuing Krum and it doesn't take her very long to realize that she misses it.

From start to finish, the way you wrote Viktor's overdose was really well done. You didn't introduce any false drama or theatrics into the experience. I've had the misfortune to see it happen once in my life, and the way you wrote it was exactly how I remember it: vomit and silence and paralyzing fear. Even if you know what's happened -- which Rose obviously doesn't -- it tears you apart trying to figure out what to do. You know that the outcome is going to be bad either way, and you -- as a clueless, non-medical professional -- are trying to weigh risks and possibilities that are well beyond your ability to understand.

You finally succeeded in making me feel some empathy for Peter Brooks. Up to this point, I was really on the fence about him. I tend to be on the fence about everyone aside from Rose and maybe Hugo in this story. They all have their own angle on Krum's life; nobody's motivations are pure. But here, Peter displays a bit of genuine emotion. He really does care what happens to Krum and the fact that Viktor has fallen from the wagon hurts him. It was nice to see him connect with Rose just a bit.

The best constructive criticism I can offer you for this chapter comes down to typos, because overall it was very good.

Viktor looked up at here, and just as she thought he might try to say something more, his eyelids fluttered, eyes rolling back into his head. - looked up at her

Shed spent the last two and half months combing through the mans past, unearthing every grisly detail she could. - two and a half months

To talk about how unbelievable ___ up it all is? - unbelievably

So what about her then? What was her roll in all of this? her role in all of this

Things really seem to be accelerating now. I sense a big finish ahead!

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you had time to stop by again. You all have been reviewing machines!

I hadn't really thought of Rose's return to normality like that, but I can see what you mean. It was meant as more of a calm before the storm -- getting her life back in order so she can start moving forward again -- but I guess her old routine is pretty bland compared to her new life. Hopefully it wasn't just my writing that was flat :P

Wow, I'm really sorry you ever had to witness something like this. I've never been though it myself, but I have been nearby for a few medical emergencies, and it's a terrible feeling. There really is just some level of instinct that either kicks in or it doesn't. It does for Rose here, though I tried to make sure she didn't seem too practiced.

Oh, good! I'm so happy Peter is growing on you. That was totally my intention with that last scene -- to humanize him. I really felt like it was important to give Rose an ally. The two aren't going to become best friends, but they at least understand each other, and may be the only two people with Krum's best interest at heart. Hopefully it says something about Krum too, that he is a man worth caring about.

Typos have already been fixed. I feel like I'm going to need to credit you as an unofficial beta by the end of this. Thanks for the review. I always really enjoy reading what you have to say!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 561
Submit Report: