I just noticed this story the other day, favourited it and came back to read it. I was worried that it might be (as so many stories are) a not so great story with a brilliant banner! But I was pleasantly surprised that the story is living up to its banner :)
I like it so far, it's not a bad storyline and it has a whole bucketload of potential. I really like the way you've incorporated Ellies Lycanthropy (did I spell that right? meh...can't be bothered checking, I'm so lazy!), I find that sometimes people give this character a crazy complication but then don't develop it properly, or show the ramifications effectively. I think you've done a great job of showing the audience just how taxing being a werewolf is. I love the way Ellie talks about her battle with the wolf, it's a really great technique and helps make her character so much more understandable.
Most of the characters are very believable, and you've created a nice balance of funny/serious/romantic personalities. I thought Lily's revelation was really well done and very believable. I do however, find that there's a lot of selfishness in a lot of the main characters that makes me uncomfortable, and I feel like as the reader I'm just supposed to forgive this because they are the main characters. There is a lot of leading people on and jumping on the nearest cute guy/girl because you're upset. I realise that this does happen in the real world, but it's a little too prevalent in this story to the point where I find it distracting and I'm losing respect/interest in some of the characters. I also find the Leo/Charlotte thing slightly creepy. Maybe it's the age difference, maybe it's the way he was so aggresively seducing her when he was what...13 or 14 years old? I'm not sure, but it just doesn't sit right with me.
I guess there's also something I don't understand: how on earth did Lily manage to stop all the girls in the school from being Ellie's friend? According to canon, she would be at least 3 years below Ellie, which means that Ellie had 3 years at Hogwarts pre-Lily. I just find it hard to believe that any and all friends that Ellie made in that 3 years were just happy to desert her because of a first year? Even if she is pretty and influential, it seems a little outrageous. Maybe if there was some major incident that Lily was involved with that caused people to turn against Ellie, I might believe it more.
Now, I have to say here that I am not one for stories that change POV, they tend to make me feel seasick, and I was incredibly wary when I realised you were going to be character jumping, but I must say that I was again pleasantly surprised. I think you've managed to do the POV thing well, and it enhances the story nicely. So well done you :)
Um, the house-elf stories. Ok, what shall I say? Look, I guess some people might like them, but for me, I feel like it's just a bit of overkill. I liked the first two and then after that, I found myself scrolling past them. I think the story telling aspect has a place, but maybe they could be used a bit more sparingly.
I like the background with the parents, I'd like to hear more about them and Leo and Ellie's history if it comes up. I also think you write the tense and romantic scenes well. You like to drag it out, which is good because it draws you in to the character's emotions more, and builds a good connection between reader and story.
I hope you don't mind my critiques, I really think the story has a lot of potential (did you say somewhere that it's your first?) and you've got somee good points of difference in your storyline and characters. Keep it up, keep writing and keep learning :)
Author's Response: Oh snap! FLAVIA is reviewing my silly story?! Woah...I really like your stories, fyi!
Thanks :D!! I don't mind your critiques at all! They help me remember what I need to put into the story before I can end it...right, so this was my first "teenage" story. What I remember about being a teenager is that there was a lot of unnecessary drama that usually involved selfish motives...so that should explain all the silly selfishness between characters. They're slowly growing up and figuring out that being selfish doesn't get you what you want :P Notice that none of them are happy...
*cough* okay, moving on...good point about the house elves :P I would probably skip through them too ;). I'll cut back on 'em, well, I don't think there are anymore in these last chapters coming up.
Oh and the Leo/Charlotte thing, well...the next chapter explains that "age" difference thing more and the chapter after that will get the parental troubles in too. I'm slowly tying up loose ends...basically, I'm learning what to do and what not to do in novel writing and I'll incorporate all that stuff in my next attempts at writing.
Thanks you for taking the time to leave such a wonderful review,