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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello there! Iím here with your requested review!

I really liked your opening description, as you painted a really dark and gothic scene, and you could just imagine the state of decay this neighbourhood was in, and it was really powerful imagery. One thing I did notice about it was that the paragraphs, and several others, were on the larger side, and that made it harder to follow, so perhaps if you cut down the size of them, it would make easier reading.

Another thing about the spacing. I found that the gaps between the paragraphs were on the larger side as well, and that detracted from the flow a little, so if you cut down the size in between them, it would look better.

It was nice to see a warmer side to Bellatrix, as I think thatís how she would have acted around her siblings before the war, and it was nice to see that was reflected here. I noticed she used the word ĎMumí, this is just my personal opinion so feel free to ignore it, but I would have thought that the pureblood families, especially the Blacks, would have used more formal language, and she would have said ĎMotherí instead.

I liked how you tied the canon things in about Regulus, as I always did wonder how he became a death eater, so it was nice to see it in more context here.

I quite liked Ambrosiaís characterisation, as she seemed to be different to the other Blacks, as she seemed to hold some of the dark lordís views in disdain, and felt that they werenít going to happen. You asked if her characterisation was consistent, and I felt it was throughout the chapter, and she seemed to hold the same traits.

I think that your writing style seemed developed and sophisticated, I canít compare to how it was before, but I liked it. I think the only way to improve it is to work on the spacing, so the level of it isnít lost due to the flow jilting at times.

I think your characters seemed interesting, and as I said before, I really like what you've done with Bellatrix, as it would be interesting to see whether her kindess changes at all.

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a useful review!

I've fixed the spacing in this chapter and some others as well, and I have to say thanks for mentioning it, because I hadn't realized it was that far off! I also agree with you completely about the formality of the Black's speech, and that is a suggestion I will definitely take.

Regulus is actually my favorite character in this story aside from my lead. I've always been fascinated by him too, and I see him as the joker on the outside, not unlike Sirius, but I also think he had a sense of responsibility/duty to family that Sirius never showed.

I'm glad you liked Ambrosia! That disdain is going to be very important to her later on, and it sounds like it comes through early, which is great. As for Bellatrix, she was the one I was most worried about, so it was definitely good to hear that you enjoyed her characterization.

Thanks again,

-W


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