|Review:||800 words of heaven says:|
Hello! Here with your requested review!
There's some action in this chapter? I am so psyched!
Haha! I actually laughed out loud when James kicked Sirius. I don't know why, but it was funny. That's something I like about this story, actually. I don't think I've mentioned this before, but there are just these little moments, no more than two lines, which are fun and humorous and light, and just remind me that these people aren't all doomed characters in a tragedy. I mean, even Romeo made innuendo-filled jokes with his mates from time to time!
Also, how on earth did Peter get into Arithmancy and why is he by himself? And does Sirius even take any classes? If he's got the entire morning off, does he even go to school?
Oh, how sweet of Regulus to actually like school! He actually wants to learn things and do well, whereas Sirius is all like, "I'm too intelligent for school", even though he is, but that's hardly the point.
I chuckled again at the remark that Wilkes could read. Good to see the faith Regulus has in his apparently, one and only friend.
Severus is becoming creepier and creepier every time we meet him. If you're a Snily shipper, I can appreciate how difficult it is to depict a character that you actually like in a less flattering light. It's quite difficult, and I think you've done a really good job.
The scene between Sirius, James and Severus was very quick. There wasn't really much to it as such, but I dunno... it was really well written and everything, but it felt a little off. It's a difficult feeling to explain... as if the situation was a molehill being made into a mountain. That wasn't very eloquently explained at all, and I'm sorry that I couldn't help with that more! It just felt that with the entire pacing of the chapter, this one scene didn't quite fit in. But I'm being a bit of a nit-picker here. Your writing skills are superb, so I have to work really hard to find something to "criticise"!
And the suspense! I think the note's from Regulus. It sounds like his handwriting to be honest. And I think it might be about time that the plot started moving forward. Regulus knows how Severus feels about Lily, and he's also seen the two of them interacting with each other now.
Here's to hoping for some plot excitement in the next chapter!
Author's Response: I'm glad you like the humor! I've never been very good at laugh-out-loud humor in stories, but I do like my little moments of levity, and it's great that they make you stop and chuckle once in a while.
I don't like the stereotype of Peter being the dumb sidekick, so I explored the idea of him being somewhat smart and capable in this story. He just happens to be the only one who wanted to take it, since it's an elective class. And yeah, of course Sirius takes classes. He just doesn't have any in the morning for this day--I modeled it after canon, when Harry and Ron would have had some time to themselves if they hadn't signed up for Slughorn's potions class in their sixth year.
Anyway, I'm pleased to hear that you like how Regulus has an interest in what he's learning, and that you enjoyed watching him interact with Wilkes. I want to make it clear that he's multidimensional, as with everyone, and that he's got some nice characteristics along with the nasty stuff that comes with his background. I hope you're still a fan of him as a character and like getting to know him.
Hah, thanks! It has been difficult to purposefully work in these really creepy moments with Severus, but I think I've really learned a lot through trying to do that. It's sort of the flip side of the time when I tried to humanize James and make him a character I could really live with and understand. Also difficult, but also a great learning experience.
Your critique about the fight is helpful. I tried to model it off the couple of arguments we saw in canon, where it seemed like the skirmish happened because of little comments made by one side or the other, and also some of Harry and Draco's episodes of barb-trading. I got the sense that the flow might have gotten thrown off a bit there, and I'm still working on improving in the area of writing action sequences overall, but like I said, your comments are helpful, so thank you.
I do think the plot will start to take off more from this point. It was important to me to take it slow, based on feedback I'd gotten on prior stories, and to take my time introducing the main characters and giving them time to meet before jumping into the plot. But I think now we're ready to introduce more drama.
Thanks for your lovely review :)