Hello there Iím here with your requested review! And no thereís no queue, so youíre not being rude!
I really loved the first section it was great and it completely caught the mood of the quote, and the Draco at that moment in time. It was interesting to see how Draco was viewed as the chosen one on that side, and it showed how similar his and Harryís life are, even though they were fighting different sides of the war. I did spot a capital letter for His greatest foe, Iím not sure if it was intended, but I thought I would point it out, as it looked a little odd.
It was interesting to see that the fateful night on the Astronomy Tower still affected him so much, and that it still haunted him so much. I guess it would be the only natural thing, as it affected his life, and so many others so much. It also represented his loss of innocence, and you seemed to pick up on that fact, and it echoed well in the mood of the story.
I really liked sections three and four, as the first one seemed to show how low their lives were, and that it seemed as if there was no hope of recovering from the chasm of darkness they were currently in, and that they were destined to stay there. Then the second section seemed to portray hope, and the significance of it.
I really liked the use of the different sections and how they seemed to portray a different segment of his life, and how it affected him. The only think I would say to improve on that, is perhaps include a few more lines in the one about how this girl changed him, as it felt a little brief to me.
The use of short sentences also worked well here. Iím normally not that keen on them here, but it fitted well with the idea and theme of this story, and I think the use of no apostrophes worked well here, because if you used them, they would represent Draco knowing what would happen next in his life, whereas the full stops were more blunt, and showed how unexpected and unpredictable it was.
I think the style worked really well here, but I feel if it was used for longer works, it may get a little tedious, so perhaps combine it with your usual style, if you want to mix it up a bit! Itís almost making me want to challenge myself by not including it, as I tend to rely on it too much as well!
I think it felt like a complete story, and it seemed like the perfect length to me, and it wouldnít have been as effective if it was any longer.
Author's Response: Hello! And thank goodness I wasn't being rude!
I've always thought that Draco and Harry were just two sides of the same coin, so I wanted to show a bit of that here. And the capital letter was on purpose - I think I wanted it to signify that Voldemort was practically a god to the "other" side, and how he was fearfully worshipped and everything.
I have a feeling that Draco finally realised the price to pay on that particular night. He definitely lost something that night, and I like to believe that it wasn't his humanity, so that night still haunts him.
To me, the quote itself has an element of hope in it, along with its inevitability, so I wanted to let a bit of that hope shine through. Also, I have a soft spot for Draco - so I gave him a bit of a happy ending!
You definitely have a point about Astoria and her brevity in this piece. It was terrible of me how I didn't build up her appearance like, at all, and she just appeared. This is a terrible excuse, but it was because I was close to my self-imposed word limit. I must improve there!
Apostrophes are really weird things, if you think about it, so I avoided them, just for fun. I'm glad that you think it worked out well!
The style would probably not work well in many other situations. I like the idea of combining it with my usual style though - it could mix things up a bit! Thanks for the tip!
Thanks for the wonderful review!