Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello there! Iím here with your requested review!

Wow that was quite a powerful start to your story. I liked how you kept the couple ambiguous at the start, and how you didnít really know who they were, as that was a really strong thing to do. You could also tell how in love they were, and how close they were, due to the intimate gestures that had with one another, and that was great as well, as when you found out who the couple were it shocked you even more.

I think it was interesting that you paired Draco with a muggle, as Iíve never seen that done before. As it was the prologue, I know why you couldnít really expand that much on why they were together, as itís best to keep the excess details down to a minimum in it, but I hope you explain it fully later, as it is shocking to find that Draco is dating a muggle. I really hope that itís a believable explanation, and doesnít follow some of the Dramione ones, because I can tell this is a good story.

I liked how you started with direct speech, as it jumped you straight into the action; however, there were a few issues with it. For example you clumped all the speech together, when there should be a line in between when a new person starts speaking. There were also a few capitals missing and here for example - ďWell, just tell me before you goĒ she said, wishing he could stay forever. You always need a comma after the last word in the direct speech, so in this case it would be after go.

I liked the ending to it as well, as you never really thought you would see a muggle have such a strong emotional for Draco, and vice versa. It was a strong ending, as it made you want to know why they were breaking up, as you could tell how clearly they were in love, and it made you want to find out why.

There were a few spacing issues, with different paragraphs not having a line in between them, but there werenít that many major grammar issues, other than the ones I pointed out.

I thought this was off to a very interesting start, and thereís only a few things which really need to be fixed :)

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I truly appreciate you took the time!
And you're so kind! I'm glad you liked how I kept their identity from the readers. I hope that would work out. It was harder then I thought to write and not name them at any point.
I never thought of Draco with a muggle either, before starting this story. I wanted something different in a writing style and figured a completely new take on a character would fit that.
Also very glad you could tell how in love they were. That's what I hoped for.

I'm hoping you will like the explanation I'll give. But I will wait to request more, because I am going to spend some time looking over the first few chapters again myself. It's been too long since I wrote them. I will come back for later chapters though :)

As for the grammar and punctuation. When I read someone else's work I notice that, but when I write I sometimes stop paying attention to it. Therefore I am so happy to have finally found a beta for this story. I'm hoping to improve on that part soon.

As for the spacing! Good thing you pointed that out. I always write without using too much spaces, but never remember to bring them back when I post.

Thanks again! This helped me remember some vital points I need to pay more attention too for myself!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 302
Submit Report: