Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hey Angie! Back again for chapter two :)

I'm going to hit the same points again this chapter.

Interest level--Again, I like the snappy ending here. It provides a nice transition for Dominique to spend the next chapter figuring out how to live as a werewolf and coping with her visible grief and pain.

Characterization--The one thing that seemed off to me was the part when Dominique woke up. I would imagine that being attacked would put you in a ton of pain. I see that you mentioned pain potions, which I am assuming helped to numb the sensation. But it would have been nice to get more of what Dominique did feel--was she woozy? Confused? I think you had a great opportunity to go into her internal state since you set this from her perspective and had her waking up slowly.

In the same breath, I think you focused a little too much on the flow of the scene and the external events. It just seemed very dramatic, even considering the events in question. I'd consider dialing it back a little, especially since you have multiple chapters to spread the reaction across. (This part goes under Style/Flow, I guess.)

Plot--Dramatics aside, I thought you did a nice job of introducing several characters in a smooth way. I liked how Dominique's family and Teddy were all there for her as she woke up from her attack. Incidentally, this reminds me a lot of a Lavender story I'm working on right now. Small world :)

Nice second chapter! I hope that my feedback has been helpful and you feel reassured about the story.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey again Amanda! Thank you for coming back!

I am glad you like the ending here too, and that you think it's a good way for Dominique to start mulling over what to do with her life now :P

Thanks for pointing that bit about Dom being in pain on waking up. I wasn't quite sure whether she should be because of all the advanced potions and charms in the next-gen era, but thinking over it, I'll add in some pain feeling. And also will try to delve deeper into her internal state. Thanks a lot for your input!

Hmm I am not quite sure what you mean by "dialing back" so I hope you won't mind that I'll PM you about it. To be honest, I wanted to present Dominique as hysterical and dramatic, as next chapter I wanted to get into the action of things rather than her reaction, but I hope we can discuss this over the PM and you can give me your input? (I'll credit you of course).

I am glad you liked the way I introduced all the characters. I'd like to check out this Lavender story of yours =)

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this for me. I value your insights a lot, since you're my favourite author, so of course this feedback has been very helpful.

Thank you!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 717
Submit Report: