This story is based on cluedo? Ah that made me way too excited, as that game is an absolute favourite of my, and I think itís really interesting that you decided to base your story on it, because who doesnít love a murder mystery? It will also add a more light hearted element, to the usually deep and dark genre, and that will be a really nice change.
I also love the quote you chose to begin with, as itís so true, and fits perfectly with the idea of the story. I can tell that this story is off to a great start already, as Iím writing this, and Iíve barely got past the first line ;D
I quite liked how you described the death from a medical perspective, as Iíve never seen that done before, and it sort of loses the emotional attachment to the murder, which is again linked into cluedo, as you donít tend to feel sorry for the victim. It was just such a different way to describe it, but it worked really well.
You caught the atmosphere of Hogwarts after the murder very well, and you could sense the excitement due to the fact that such a crime had been committed, then the nervousness and almost worry as to who it was, and it created a really interesting dynamic. I also loved the cameo from Moaning Myrtle.
I liked how James appeared to be rather different in this story, compared to how heís usually portrayed. The fact that he wasnít afraid to show his emotions through vomiting, was a nice twist, as it meant that even James Potter can be affected by murder, and cause him to do things he wouldnít normally do. The way he referred to the hand book was nice as well, as it showed how seriously he took his job, which was surprising, but really nice as well.
I really liked the dark atmosphere that your starting to develop at Hogwarts, as it reflects what was going on outside of the walls as well, and it shows to the reader that no one can be safe, even if theyíre under Dumbledoreís care.
I think this was a really great start to the story, and thank you for the swap!
Author's Response: Can I just admit? I've played Cluedo once in my life :P This story was very much inspired by the Halloween game at TDA where we had to be detectives and solve the murder and I thought, hey, plot line! I wanted it to be dark, but still have light, humorous pieces in it, because people are killed all the time and the world continues. That sounded really cold...
I want this story to be as accurate as I can with all the scientific analysis stuff and the medical reports, it's going to be a major theme throughout, the facts, the hardcore evidence, versus witness acounts.
Moaning Myrtle! She's one of my favourite characters, I had to pay homage to her ;)
James is often portrayed as this tough kid and nothing can beat him down, whereas, he's 17. I know that if I was in his position in two years time that I would be all crazy.
No one is safe. I just read that in an overvoice voice, y'know the cheesy Hollywood ones? Oh jheeze, I worry myself sometimes :P
Thanks so much for the review! I'm getting onto yours now :D