Hi! This is Nicte with your requested review!
So, first of all, I really like threw plot of the story; personally I love stories that involve seers and mystery and that I don't really know what is going on. I also really enjoy the way you set the scene and describe things.
So the following are notes that I took while I was reading and the end I'll let you know what I think overall.
I'm not sure about how I feel about the beginning. You've set thee mood and the scene nicely but I don't really know what's going on (which is not necessarily a bad thing).
As I move forward, I can't really see how either James or your character is like (Which I suppose is going to developed further in the story).
When you change to the scene with her parents, you change the name of your Main Character which is quite confusing (and I'm now realising I got it wrong, keep reading, go on x.x)
Then we arrive to the scene with Louis and it's not very clear why he would help her, hold her while she cried and be there for her if they hate each other.
The timeline is really, really confusing, as it is the jumping between scenes that apparently are not connected to each other; I know that you probably have your own scheme and it's clear to you, but for the reader it's a little bit messy.
While I do think there are some things that could be improved, I really enjoyed the overall plot and am sure that it'll be an awesome story and I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Okay, after everything I've written, I'm just reading the summary, which I now think I should have read first...
This are the stories of 3 girls? O.O (Lord I'm so distracted)
Well, this changes things a little bit. Maybe you could consider putting a little note with the name of each character and say something like C1 POV, so people like me can understand what's going on.
So! After that mental accommodation, lets finish with the overall!
Overall -- I really enjoyed my lecture, I love the way you describe and set the mood and it's a really awesome plot and I can't wait to see where you're going.
Descriptions -- As I said before, I love the way you describe (in fact I love your writing style).
Characterization -- So, I'm not really sure what to put here since I'm just coming out of the shock that we're talking about 3 characters here and not only 1 (LOL), but I think that it's a matter of time before we can see the personalities of each girl.
Flow: Each part is really easy to read, but when you jump from one scene to another and you don't really know what's going on it gets confusing and it's something that should be worked on. (I think).
Dialogues: I think the dialogues were great. Personally, I enjoyed the dialogues between the first girl and JSP.
Finally, I believe that if you got a beta to check out for grammar issues and typos your story would improve a lot (not that I noticed much, but it's always nice to have someone to check your work).
And I'm done :)
I hope this is helpful and not that harsh (if it is, please let me know). Thank you for your request
Author's Response: hey! thanks for doing this! no its not harsh ahah.
there are 3 characters which is why tht might seem confusing. the time line is the same day just different hours of the day. if you see, Part 1 was morning, Part 2 was afternoon and Part 3 was night.
Im glad you liked the story over all though =) Thanks for the notes on the flow!