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Review:adluvshp says:
Hey there!

This seems like an interesting story. I like your characterisation of Lily so far. She does seem a little "mature" in her thoughts for an eleven year old though, or maybe it's just me who found it so. Nevertheless, I liked the way her thoughts flowed, and the worries she had because of her dream.

The interactions between her and James were also realistically portrayed, as that is how brother-sister relationships usually are, so good job. I also liked the small moment of concern that James showed for Lily before jumping back into the usual teasing.

The dream was retold by Lily's thoughts nicely too, though I'd have liked more description as dreams are best shown vividly.

I also liked how you maintained a balance between humour and suspense/anxiety throughout. I was curious about her dream and such, and at the same time was enjoying the banter between James and Lily. I liked the ending too, it ended on a worrisome yet interesting note and got me intrigued for the next chapter.

All in all, good start of the story. Keep writing!


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