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Review:Nicte says:
Hi! This is Nicte with your requested review.

First of all, personally, I believe that writing in first person is much more difficult than doing so in third person, and I believe that you've achieved that quite nicely.

So, I'm making notes as I read and HAHA! Knowledge seekers, great one! Also, you may want to check the ages, since Rose and Albus are two years younger than James; even is such a small thing, it makes a LOT of difference to a reader that is a sucker for cannon (like me haha).

I really liked the way you managed Madison's sorting, it actually made me feel the strain of the moment. I have to say that I'm a little, tiny bit worried about Madison tending to turn into a Mary-Sue; I know she's not perfect, but I can't really see that in the story, maybe you could try and show it a little bit more? (I know this is through the loving eyes of a 11-13 year old, but it doesn't have to come as an imperfection for James, just for the reader).

I LOVE James' way of proposing, very James I style.

About description, I can only say that it's great; the feelings/moods and what James is thinking is very detailed, which gives the reader a smooth lecture.

As for characterization, I really like your characters, but I think that there is a lot of room for development since I still don't know what James is really like, how he really feels and why he does what he does.

Flow is REALLY nice, I had no problem reaching the end of the chapter and I enjoyed reading it thoroughly.

Overall it was defiantly great, I really liked the beginning of the story and I specially liked the fact that the OC is a pureblood and that James fell for her.

Great work! :)

-- Andrea.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing this, and leaving such a long one at that!

I'm glad you liked her Sorting, because I really did work to get the tension into the writing.

As for Madison's character, I think a lot more of her flaws and non-Mary-Sue-ness kind of start appearing in the next few chapters or so.

I love making the parallels between the two James. And his character will probably be revealed more in later chapters too. :)

Thanks again, and I'm glad you liked it! Now, I've just gotta wait for an opening in your review thread for my next chapter and I'll pounce on it! :)

-ShadowRose


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