Hello there I’m here with your requested review!
I liked your use of the description at the beginning of this chapter, as it was rather detailed so therefore, it created a vivid image in my head, and allowed me to perfectly envisage Ginny in my head.
I quite liked little Ginny, as it was nice to see her thoughts, as there aren’t really many stories which show anyone as a young child. You seemed to get a seven year old thoughts, and I can imagine my younger self getting along with her, and wanting to play pretend to.
One thing that did seem a little odd to me though, is the fact she knew details like the shape of his scar, and his middle name, if they had never met before see, and I doubt there would have been pictures of him, as he lived as a muggle, why would she know things like that.
Some lines did seem a little too mature for a seven year old though. For example ‘we all knew that was a lie’, it just seemed a little odd for a seven year old to think that, and Ginny used the word ‘mercilessly’, I don’t think I knew that word at seven. So perhaps if you re-read it, and made some of the sophisticated language, less sophisticated so it fitted her age more?
I liked the family dynamics though, as it seemed very Weasley esq, I think it was the banter between Fred and George about hiding Percy’s badge, and them arguing with their Mum made me laugh, as I can just imagine the rush and panic before the train, and those two just making it a whole lot worse!
You were inconsistent in capitalising the M of Mum, it’s nothing major, but it just looks nicer if it’s uniform.
I liked the canon facts which you included into this story such as Scabbers being old, Ginny not being able to play quidditch, and Bill being head boy, as it just made the story more believable and realistic by doing so.
I liked how you jumped from the past to the present, as it allowed the reader to see how much this wedding meant to Ginny, and how she had been anticipating it her entire life. I really liked the appearance of Audrey, as she seemed exactly how I imagined her to be, with her frantic energy, and the mention of Victoire made me aw.
I really liked the ending of it as it was really nice and fluffy, and seeing all the relatives wives and girlfriends was nice. I know Ginny said the ceremony passed in a blur, but it would have been nice to have a little more detail about it, such as noticing guests e.t.c. just to make you more aware of the wedding, as it was a little too quick for me.
Other than that I thought it was a lovely fluffy one-shot, and I really liked how you showed how much Harry meant to Ginny!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks for leaving such a detailed review! I love all the feedback! :)
I'm glad to know that I did well with the seven-year-old thoughts... It's been a while since I was that age, so thinking like it was a little challenging.
I never really thought about the whole "not-knowing-things-like-that," but now that you mention it, you're right: she probably wouldn't know his middle name... Although I think she might know about the scar, because Ron did in the first movie. I do want to fix the middle name.
I definitely will go back and fix some of her language: as I said, it's hard to think like a seven-year-old, so I kind of missed things like the word "mercilessly." But yeah, that's not exactly in a young child's vocabulary. :)
The family was fun to write, and I'm glad you thought it fit. I will go back and deal with that capitalization though!
I might go back in and add wedding details, because I think you're right: it would add a little more to the story. :)
Thanks for your review. I loved hearing your thoughts, and I'm definitely going to fix a few things! :)