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Review:DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend says:
Even when I had no idea who the I was, I was drawn to the character. You explained just enough about the characters. Not too little or too much. It made it intriguing to keep reading.
And I love your first girl! I've never been very good to write someone that like her, and keep her character intact. Usually halfway through I notice they become Mary-sue-isch...Your character doesn't show signs of that here.

Haha I was so confused when Roseanna got angry at Louis for standing up. Good thing you explained it! It was a good way to show she had trouble trusting people and (over)reacts to what she thinks people think/want/mean rather then what they do or say. Also, I loved that told us who Louis was when you did. Perfect timing.
That was something I really liked in the entire story. You didn't put all the information out there from the start. You unveiled things as you went along.

And wonderful idea to switch between the characters :P! You know I'm a fan of that!

There was one sentence that didn't flow fluently I think: "And after the man had finished talking about his spectacular find, though when asked for examples he refused to give any, he decided to throw a party."
While it is technically correct, perhaps you could look it over. It seems a little off to me.

Who was the last female? I might have missed it, one of the girls above or a new one?...or you don't want us to know yet.

I like your writing style! Like I said before the fact the give information as you go along, but never too much, makes this very intriguing. I found myself starting this chapter very critically, but it turned into being very engrossed in the story.

A few small typo's I noticed:
*in the first paragraph:"while small children crying as they saw their older siblings head on to the train". Either children were crying or children cried.
*"It would advisable for you to hand over the want right now," he replied "--> Wand.
*Also in Roseanna part...aren't they called non-verbal spells? Instead of a non word spell?
*And Occurring was spelled in that same part with only one c...
*"to take away from my broom and": From seems out of place in this sentence.
*"How could have I?": Correct me if I am wrong but the have and I should be switched.
*Also a dog wears a collar, not color.
*"At my Mum with her shining brown hair matching her eyes while Dad with his black and slightly gray hair and dark brown eyes." I'd change 'while' for 'and'.
*"There he himself free of my grip and sat me down": he pulled himself free? Also a comma after there, I think.
*"I could always apparate out of their"; there.
*Also, the hooded man, grabbed her arm and twisted it behind hid back? Wouldn't that be behind her back?

Author's Response: Hey thank you for doing this!

your review really made my day!!

Im glad you got all of the points I really wanted to say though couldn't just out right say haha. I hope Rosenelle won't become Mary Sue but she has a very scary life so I really hope I can maintain her to be in character (which btw is not Mary Sueish haah).

I had a lot of trouble writing Roseanna but im glad you liked her as well!

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes! I changed them ;)


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