|Review:||Courtney Dark says:|
So, this chapter was pretty good - there were many things I liked about it and we were introduced to a whole cast of new characters which was great.
I liked reading the whole segment about Flick and her family getting ready to go to school. It felt very chaotic and slightly manic, which I loved, and I also loved the fact that Ria was forced to be in charge of everyone, and make sure everyone was ready, because their dad was at work. I almost have to say that Ria is currently my favourite character. She has so much on her plate but deals pretty well...and I feel kind of bad for her, having to look after the twins while Flick is at school. It sort of seems like she's given up her life for family, in a way. The beginning scene also gave me a huge hit of nostalgia, though I have no idea why, but I found myself thinking back to the books, which I always love to do when I'm reading fanfiction!
Oh god, that car journey sounded painful! It completely reminded me of my family, what with Tessa being sick and all. Poor Flick, she was clearly nervous enough as it was!
I really liked the whole back story with Ria and James and Fred. It added another layer to the chapter which was excellent to see, and I have a sneaking suspicion that something might happen between Ria and James which would be awesome - they seem like two completely different characters. And you know what they say about opposites attracting.
Just a couple of CC's: this chapter did tend to sway from past and present tense quite a bit, especially in the very first few paragraphs, so I'd go back and have a look at that, if I was you. Also, I love most of your characters, but I currently really, really dislike Hattie. I'm not sure whether this is necessarily a bad thing, as she and Flick have all this antagonism towards each other, but at the moment she seems a little realistic. I'd like to see more back story to her character, so we get some insight into her motives and reasons for acting the way she does.
I loved the little detail about Scorpius' grandfather killing his ferret. That really made me smile - and the addition of Scorpius being Flick's gay but not gay friend was pretty cool, too.
There were a few grammar and spelling issues here and there, but nothing too distracting.
Hope this review was somewhat helpful!
Author's Response: Hello again :D
Along with Dom, Ria is one of my favourite characters. Ria's great to write and since she's become the mother of the family she sees it her job to look after Bentley and Aubri for Flick. Ria knows her dad has to work to keep the money coming in and she knows if she doesn't look after them, then Flick would have never gone back to Hogwarts.
Ria and James, hmmm... I'm not saying anything else ;)
I think I've sorted out the tenses thing, so I'll edit the chapter soon.
You're not the only one who hates Hattie. There are a fair few people in the 'I hate Hattie club' along with Flick, Dom, Rose and Scorp :)
Thank you once again!