Hello, it's me again. I'm going to be reviewing as I read this, so this review may turn out to be either horrible or brilliant.
Your imagery at the beginning of this chapter is gorgeous. This line in particular:
A trail of blood was smeared through them and into the darkness inside, a morbid parody of a red carpet.
was like a literary punch in the face. In the best way possible. And that image of Draco and Astoria as marionettes... bloody hell, that's dark. Well done, Ms. fox. Poor Scorpius.
I'm also liking how we're getting more of Albus in this chapter. His situation is almost unique, because his dad is the Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, Master of Death, and so to someone like Albus it feels like he shouldn't, can't, ever die. It's gotta be devastating, not just because his parents are dead, but also because if that guy got killed, what chance is there for you? I have all the Al feels right now. And Rose's reaction to his grief is utterly understandable. You're much better than I am at character interaction.
Speaking of Al feels. Oh my God. Oh my God, he did not just stab himself in the eye. That's amazing. Your cruelty to your characters makes for a damn good read. And the callback to Rose's dream in the previous chapter make it all the more chilling.
Your characters' thoughts sound like real thoughts - your mixing writing styles is pretty cool, actually; while most writers, myself included, would struggle to make it not sound jarring, your writing flows naturally. The repetition and the fragmentation of Rose's thoughts just works, really well.
Teddy's death was handled extremely well. It's a long, drawn-out, torturous disintegration, and yet it's oddly beautiful - again, your attention to detail. You've got a lovely visual style of writing.
I would perhaps suggest more focus on non-visual description - like, for example, with all this blood everywhere... that has a pretty distinctive smell.
Anyway, I hope this review wasn't a complete train wreck, and happy writing. :)
Author's Response: Hi again! It is dark, and I was sort of nervous about posting it because I thought everyone who read it would think I was crazy. I was also very nervous because there are a lot of sensitive topics in here (duh) and I was worried about whether I'd handled them well.
So, your review really means a lot to me. As does your suggestion of adding more sensory detail, which I'll definitely work on.
Thank you so much, it was a great review. :)