Hello there, and welcome to the forums itís a really great place to be! I kind have a little addiction to reviewing, so of course I donít mind leaving you one!
I really liked how you started the story, as you created a very idyllic scene, and I was getting settled into, what I thought, happy story, then you juxtaposed it really well, with the darkness those men seemed to allude, and it created a more sinister atmosphere which was really good, as it grabbed the readerís attention, as you wanted to know why they were.
The way you described them killing others, made it seem as if that was the most normal thing in the world to do, and that no one should question it. I think it was because you did it subtly and just addressed it with a flash of green light, and that seemed to make it more powerful, as it made it seem as if it was a normal thing for them to do.
You had some really powerful lines in this chapter, but I think my favourite was ĎAs I told Tom, there is no good and evil. There is only power.í It just seemed to carry so much weight, and it perfectly tied in with the story, and blended in really well.
I really like how you decided to add a dark tone to a next gen story, as I hate the fluffy stories, as they just donít seem realistic to me. However, this one seems perfectly believable, and I could see another dark wizard coming to power. We didnít learn much about him, but thatís understandable given that this is the first chapter, but I hope you develop his background and character in the future ones.
I honestly canít think of any CCís, I know you said to be critical, but there isnít anything to be critical about, so yay for that!
Thank you for requesting, as this story is really intriguing me!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I am happy you enjoyed it!
Yeah, I wanted to make it clear that the two of them ruined a very happy scene for absolutely no reason. Pretty much the whole point of the first chapter was to grab the reader's attention (and provide hints, of course!)
Those men definitely think killing is normal. And it is normal, for them. They don't bother to think about the damage that is done.
That whole "no good and evil" thing is basically what they believe. There is no "good" side and "evil" side. There are simply two sides that agree with each other. They don't recognize evil, even though they are.
I'm glad you like the dark tone to the chapter. I sometimes worry that it is too dark and I should make it less so, but then they woudn't sound like as much as a threat. As for background... I know more background on both of them then I know about Albus. Especially the younger man- I have a very detailed account on his childhood. I bet I could write a novel just on his life.
And thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)