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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, there! I'm paying you a visit for the Review Battle!

Poor Harry. I have two boys at home and I don't envy him the task of managing a rowdy pair like James and Albus. Add in their little sister, who plainly has Harry wrapped around her little finger, and it seems like he's in for long few days.

One general comment about your writing before I dive into the substance of the story: you seem to have a lot of very long sentences. I saw a couple of situations where an entire paragraph was one long sentence, broken into four or five clauses. I think your writing would flow smoother if you broke some of those long sentences up. When you combine that many clauses into a single sentence, sometimes it's hard to keep track of what verbs and adjectives relate to what subject.

The scene that you set was easy to relate to. Coming home from a long day at work only to be confronted by barely controlled chaos isn't anyone's idea of a relaxing evening. James was so funny, pining away for his lost subscription to Witch Weekly. I can only imagine why he was reading that. "Just for the articles", I'm sure. ;) And then he goes and ruins Christmas for Albus! No wonder the two of them wind up fighting like cats and dogs.

Ginny seemed like a nice reflection of her mother, keeping order in a house full of unruly and/or manipulative children. I get shades of those stories where Arthur is left to manage on his own in Molly's absence.

Lily was so sweet! She's the perfect Daddy's Little Girl, right down to the way she twists his affections to get what she wants.

I saw a few things that might be typos or just read strangely:

He waved the wand, muttering a non verbal spell and immediately the lights turned on in the hallway, brightening it. - If it's a non-verbal spell, why did he have to mutter?

... it was the second day into the kids summer holidays and him and Ginny liked to make sure that the kids homework was done straight away... - I think you need to end 'kids' with s-apostrophe if the word is meant to be possessive, and it should be "he and Ginny".

He was hoping for a somewhat peaceful time, seen as though he would be looking after them alone for at least one week. - "seeing as though"?

Harry wish he was capable of standing up for himself around the two girls... - Harry wished?

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out my two favorite lines:

It was because of those two boys that Ginny and Harry couldnt have nice things. - I chuckled out loud at this. I can totally relate.

... hed have to talk to Ron about it all and see if he had any tips for him. - Oh, boy. That isn't going to end well.

Overall, I think you have a good start here. The idea seems like it has a lot of potential. Nice job!

Author's Response: Heya! Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to responding to your amazing review :D

Oh yes poor Harry, he's definitely not cut out to look after all three children on his own, especially Lily as you mentioned had Harry totally wrapped around her little finger.

Thank you for pointing that out about the sentences, I have a tendency to just put the chapter out before I edit it, so I must go back and change things. Thank you once again for pointing it out, it's a lot of help :D

I'm so glad that the scene was easy to relate to, I wanted to try and make it as realistic as I could, so it's great to hear that it is.
Oh James, he has a special place in my heart, he gets up to a lot of mischeif over the story so I hope that you continue to read to find out more.
James and Albus can't seem to get through a day without hurting the other, either physically or mentally.

Ginny has turned out a lot like her mother, I think it would have been the only way she would have been able to control her children as well as keep Harry in check, not that he would ever be out of check with her :p

Lily is definitely a daddy's girl, anything she wants she makes sure she gets haha.

Thank you for pointing that out, I went back and edited it so it shoudl read better, hopefully. *fingers crossed*

I'm so glad that you loved those two lines! The first one is one of my favourites of the chapter.

Thank you so much for your lovely review, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed the chapter. I hope that you read on to find out what other mischeif they all get up to.


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